Gable, S. L., Reis, H. T., & Downey, G. (2003). He Said, She Said. Psychological Science, 14(2), 100-105.

SPITZBERG, B. H. (2002). The Tactical Topography of Stalking Victimization and Management. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 3(4), 261-288

Obsessive relational intrusion and stalking

Spitzberg, B. H., & Cupach, W. R. What mad pursuit?: Obsessive relational intrusion and stalking related phenomena. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 8(4), 345-375

Modeling Serial Arguments

Bevan, J. L., Finan, A., & Kaminsky, A. (2008). Modeling Serial Arguments in Close Relationships: The Serial Argument Process Model. Human Communication Research, 34(4), 600-624

Ein-Dor, T., Mikulincer, M., Doron, G., & Shaver, P. R. (2010). The Attachment Paradox. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 5(2), 123-141.

Pryor, J. B., & Merluzzi, T. V. (1985). The role of expertise in processing social interaction scripts. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 21(4), 362-379.

Knobloch, L. K., & Solomon, D. H. (2002). Information Seeking Beyond Initial Interaction. Human Communication Research, 28(2), 243-257.

Boundaries of privacy

Petronio, S. (2002). Boundaries of privacy: Dialectics of disclosure. Albany, NY: State University of New York Press.

Knobloch, L. K., & Solomon, D. H. (2003). Manifestations of Relationship Conceptualizations in Conversation. Human Communication Research, 29(4), 482-515

with measurement in this paper

beliefs and stalk

potential beliefs that may contribute to the likelihood that a specific individual will obsessively pursue a love interest. Such beliefs include sex role stereotyping or beliefs in traditional sex roles and adversarial beliefs regarding the pursuit of romantic relationships (i.e., that it is a competitive process) (Spitzberg & Cupach, 2001)

preoccupied style and stalk

those with the preoccupied style may be most likely to stalk others (Meloy, 1998), as they are constantly seeking intimacy but, due to a lack of self-confidence, do not feel worthy of anyone.

types of stalkers

• Davis, J. A., & Chipman, M. A. (1997). Stalkers and other obsessional types: a review and forensic psychological typology of those who stalk. Journal of Clinical Forensic Medicine, 4, 166–172.
• Mullen, P. E., Pathe, M., Purcell, R., & Stuart, G. W. (1999). Study of stalkers. American Journal of Psychiatry, 156(8), 1244–1249.

Ravensberg, V., & Miller, C. Stalking among young adults: A review of the preliminary research. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 8(4), 455-469.

Gerber, J., & Wheeler, L. (2009). On Being Rejected. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 4(5), 468-488.

Love Is Not Pleasure

Without the understanding of pleasure you will never be able to understand love. Love is not pleasure. Love is something entirely different. And to understand pleasure, as I said, you have to learn about it. Now for most of us, for every human being, sex is a problem. Why? Listen to this very carefully. Because you are not able to solve it, you run away from it. The sannyasi runs away from it by taking a vow of celibacy, by denying. Please see what happens to such a mind. By denying something which is a part of your whole structure -the glands and so on- by suppressing it, you have made yourself arid, and there is a constant battle going on within yourself.As we were saying, we have only two ways of meeting any problem, apparently: either suppressing it or running away from it. Suppressing it is really the same thing as running away from it. And we have a whole network of escapes -very intricate, intellectual, emotional -and ordinary everyday activity. There are various forms of escapes into which we will not go for the moment. But we have this problem. The sannyasi escapes from it in one way, but he has not resolved it; he has suppressed it by taking a vow, and the whole problem is boiling in him. He may put on the outward robe of simplicity, but this becomes an extraordinary issue for him too, as it is for the man who lives an ordinary life. How do you solve that problem? - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Love Is Not Cultivated

Love is not to be cultivated. Love cannot be divided into divine and physical; it is only love -not that you love many or the one. That again is an absurd question to ask:"Do you love all?" You know, a flower that has perfume is not concerned who comes to smell it, or who turns his back upon it. So is love. Love is not a memory. Love is not a thing of the mind or the intellect. But it comes into being naturally as compassion, when this whole problem of existence as fear, greed, envy, despair and hope has been understood and resolved. An ambitious man cannot love. A man who is attached to his family has no love. Nor has jealousy anything to do with love. When you say, "I love my wife," you really do not mean it, because the next moment you are jealous of her. Love implies great freedom -not to do what you like. But love comes only when the mind is very quiet, disinterested, not self-centered. These are not ideals. If you have no love, do what you will go after all the gods on earth, do all the social activities, try to reform the poor, the politics, write books, write poems -you are a dead human being. And without love your problems will increase, multiply endlessly. And with love, do what you will, there is no risk; there is no conflict. Then love is the essence of virtue. And a mind that is not in a state of love is not a religious mind at all. And it is only the religious mind that is freed from problems, and that knows the beauty of love and truth. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Love Without Incentive

What is love without motive? Can there be love without any incentive, without wanting something for oneself out of love? Can there be love in which there is no sense of being wounded when love is not returned? If I offer you my friendship and you turn away, am I not hurt? Is that feeling of being hurt the outcome of friendship, of generosity, of sympathy? Surely, as long as I feel hurt, as long as there is fear, as long as I help you hoping that you may help me -- which is called service -- there is no love. If you understand this, the answer is there. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Love Is Dangerous

How can man live without love? We can only exist, and existence without love is control, confusion, and pain -and that is what most of us are creating. We organize for existence and we accept conflict as inevitable because our existence is a ceaseless demand for power. Surely, when we love, organization has its own place, its right place; but without love, organization becomes a nightmare, merely mechanical and efficient, like the army; but as modern society is based on mere efficiency, we have to have armies and the purpose of an army is to create war. Even in so-called peace, the more intellectually efficient we are, the more ruthless, the more brutal, the more callous we become. That is why there is confusion in the world, why bureaucracy is more and more powerful, why more and more governments are becoming totalitarian. We submit to all this as being inevitable because we live in our brains and not in our hearts, and therefore love does not exist. Love is the most dangerous and uncertain element in life; and because we do not want to be uncertain, because we do not want to be in danger, we live in the mind. A man who loves is dangerous, and we do not want to live dangerously; we want to live efficiently, we want to live merely in the framework of organization because we think organizations are going to bring order and peace in the world. Organizations have never brought order and peace. Only love, only goodwill, only mercy can bring order and peace, ultimately and therefore now. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. ―Dr. Seuss

PHARNEXT Has Completed Patient Recruitment for Its Phase II Clinical Trial of PXT3003

http://www.biospace.com/news_story.aspx?StoryID=241574&full=1

PHARNEXT Has Completed Patient Recruitment for Its Phase II Clinical Trial of PXT3003 (the Company's First Pleodrug™) in Charcot-Marie-Tooth Disease


11/22/2011 10:42:23 AM

Paris, 22 November 2011 - Pharnext SAS, a biopharmaceutical company specializing in the development of innovative treatments based on Pleotherapy™ for severe, unmet medical needs, today announced the on-schedule completion of the recruitment of 80 patients as part of its Phase II study of PXT3003 (the company's first Pleodrug™) in type 1A Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease (CMT1A). Pharnext's combination therapy was developed in just only three years, versus the eight years generally required for novel compounds; the company has been able to move directly from preclinical development to Phase II clinical trials of the Pleodrug™'s efficacy.

"PXT3003 provides a real prospect of improving the status of patients suffering from CMT1A. Recruitment went according to schedule and none of the enrolled patients have dropped out of the study so far, which is very encouraging", stated Dr Shahram Attarian (the CLN-PXT3003-01 study's coordinating investigator at La Timone University Medical Center (Marseilles, France).

"We are delighted to have reached this key milestone with the first Pleodrug™ generated by our proprietary discovery platform. We are getting ever closer to our objective: to provide patients suffering from Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease (which is currently untreatable) with a safe, effective therapy. We are really looking forward to sharing some interesting results (expected in early 2013) with them", emphasized Professor Daniel Cohen, Pharnext's founder and CEO.

Patient recruitment started in late December 2010 in six investigating centers across France (Lille, Limoges, Lyons, Marseilles, Nantes and Paris) and completed on schedule. The Phase II clinical trial is a double-blind, placebo-controlled, randomized multicenter study. The patients were randomized between the study's 4 arms: a placebo arm and 3 arms with the PXT3003 study treatment administered as 3 oral doses twice a day.

PXT3003 is the first drug candidate to be generated by Pharnext's PleotherapyTM platform. PXT3003 is composed of a combination of off-patent, approved three drugs - each of which is marketed separately for the treatment of another disease and is administered here at much lower doses than in the usual indication. The study's objective is to evaluate the pharmacodynamics, pharmacokinetics, safety and efficacy of PXT3003 in CMT1A patients aged 18 to 65 and with genetic confirmation of a duplication on chromosome 17. The results are likely to be published in the first quarter of 2013. An article in the journal Nature Medicine ("Networking for new drugs", October 2011, vol. 17(10); 1166-1168) described the trial's novelty in its introduction and commented that whereas many of today's most celebrated drugs are designed to hit only one biological target with great precision, medicine's proverbial "magic bullet" might soon give way to a more sophisticated arsenal when using "network pharmacology" (like Pharnext's approach) to efficiently tackle severe medical needs.

Caroline Carmagnol
CEO
Mob: + 33 (0) 6 64 18 99 59
Tel: + 33 (0) 1 42 68 86 43
caroline@alizerp.com
ALIZE RP
33, rue de Surène
75008 Paris
Fax: + 33 (0) 1 42 68 06 51

Reincarnation Is Essentially Egotistic

You want me to give you an assurance that you will live another life, but in that there is no happiness or wisdom. The search for immortality through reincarnation is essentially egotistic, and therefore not true. Your search for immortality is only another form of the desire for the continuance of self-defensive reactions against life and intelligence. Such a craving can only lead to illusion. So what matters is not whether there is reincarnation, but to realize complete fulfillment in the present. And you can do that only when your mind and heart are no longer protecting themselves against life. The mind is cunning and subtle in its self-defense, and it must discern for itself the illusory nature of self-protection. This means that you must think and act completely anew. You must liberate yourself from the net of false values which environment has imposed upon you. There must be utter nakedness. Then there is immortality, reality. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

What Is Reincarnation?

Let us find out what you mean by reincarnation -the truth of it, not what you like to believe, not what someone has told you, or what your teacher has said. Surely, it is the truth that liberates, not your own conclusion, your own opinion. When you say, "I shall be reborn," you must know what the 'I' is. Is the 'I' a spiritual entity, is the 'I' something continuous, is the 'I' something independent of memory, experience, knowledge? Either the 'I' is a spiritual entity or it is merely a thought process. Either it is something out of time, which we call spiritual, not measurable in terms of time, or it is within the field of time, the field of memory, thought. It cannot be something else. Let us find out if it is beyond the measurement of time. I hope you are following all this. Let us find out if the 'I' is in essence something spiritual. Now by "spiritual" we mean, do we not, something not capable of being conditioned, something that is not the projection of the human mind, something that is not within the field of thought, something that does not die. When we talk of a spiritual entity, we mean by that something that is not within the field of the mind, obviously. Now, is the 'I' such a spiritual entity? If it is a spiritual entity, it must be beyond all time; therefore it cannot be reborn or continued. That which has continuity can never renew itself. As long as thought continues through memory, through desire, through experience, it can never renew itself; therefore, that which is continued cannot know the real. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Is There Such a Thing as a Soul?

So to understand this question of death, we must be rid of fear, which invents the various theories of afterlife or immortality or reincarnation. So we say, those in the East say, that there is reincarnation, there is a rebirth, a constant renewal going on and on and on the soul, the so-called soul. Now please listen carefully. Is there such a thing? We like to think there is such a thing, because it gives us pleasure, because that is something that we have set beyond thought, beyond words, beyond; it is something eternal, spiritual, that can never die, and so thought clings to it. But is there such a thing, as a soul, which is something beyond time, something beyond thought, something which is not invented by man, something which is beyond the nature of man, something that is not put together by the cunning mind? Because the mind sees such enormous uncertainty, confusion, nothing permanent in life, nothing. Your relationship to your wife, your husband, your job, nothing is permanent. And so the mind invents a something which is permanent, which it calls the soul. But since the mind can think about it, thought can think about it; as thought can think about it, it is still within the field of time, naturally. If I can think about something, it is part of my thought. And my thought is the result of time, of experience, of knowledge. So, the soul is still within the field of time. So the idea of a continuity of a soul that will be reborn over and over and over again has no meaning because it is the invention of a mind that is frightened, of a mind that wants, that seeks a duration through permanency, that wants certainty, because in that there is hope. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

--- the soul human being is able to think of is still within the field of time

What Do You Mean by Karma?

Karma implies, does it not, cause and effect, action based on cause, producing a certain effect; action born out of conditioning, producing further results. So karma implies cause and effect. And are cause and effect static, are cause and effect ever fixed? Does not effect become cause also? So there is no fixed cause or fixed effect. Today is a result of yesterday, is it not? Today is the outcome of yesterday, chronologically as well as psychologically; and today is the cause of tomorrow. So cause is effect, and effect becomes cause, it is one continuous movement: there is no fixed cause or fixed effect. If there were a fixed cause and a fixed effect, there would be specialization; and is not specialization death? Any species that specializes obviously comes to an end. The greatness of man is that he cannot specialize. He may specialize technically, but in structure he cannot specialize. An acorn seed is specialized, it cannot be anything but what it is. But the human being does not end completely. There is the possibility of constant renewal; he is not limited by specialization. As long as we regard the cause, the background, the conditioning, as unrelated to the effect, there must be conflict between thought and the background. So the problem is much more complex than whether to believe in reincarnation or not, because the question is how to act, not whether you believe in reincarnation or in karma. That is absolutely irrelevant. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Action Based on Idea

Can action ever bring about freedom from this chain of cause-effect? I have done something in the past; I have had experience, which obviously conditions my response today; and today's response conditions tomorrow. That is the whole process of karma, cause and effect; and obviously, though it may temporarily give pleasure, such a process of cause and effect ultimately leads to pain. That is the real crux of the matter: Can thought be free? Thought or action that is free does not produce pain, does not bring about conditioning. That is the vital point of this whole question. So, can there be action unrelated to the past? Can there be action not based on idea? Idea is the continuation of yesterday in a modified form, and that continuation will condition tomorrow, which means action based on idea can never be free. As long as action is based on idea, it will inevitably produce further conflict. Can there be action unrelated to the past? Can there be action without the burden of experience, the knowledge of yesterday? As long as action is the outcome of the past, action can never be free, and only in freedom can you discover what is true. What happens is that, as the mind is not free, it cannot act; it can only react, and reaction is the basis of our action. Our action is not action but merely the continuation of reaction because it is the outcome of memory, of experience, of yesterday's response. So, the question is, can the mind be free from its conditioning? - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Buss, D. M., & Duntley, J. D. (2008). Adaptations for exploitation. Group Dynamics: Theory, Research, and Practice, 12(1), 53-62

Emerson, R. M., Ferris, K. O., & Gardner, C. B. (1998). On Being Stalked. Social Problems, 45(3), 289-314.

One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn’t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.―Lucille Ball

To Die Without Argument

Do you know what it means to come into contact with death, to die without argument? Because death, when it comes, does not argue with you. To meet it, you have to die every day to everything: to your agony, to your loneliness, to the relationship you cling to; you have to die to your thought, to die to your habit, to die to your wife so that you can look at your wife anew; you have to die to your society so that you, as a human being, are new, fresh, young, and you can look at it. But you cannot meet death if you don't die every day. It is only when you die that there is love. A mind that is frightened has no love, it has habits, it has sympathy, it can force itself to be kind and superficially considerate. But fear breeds sorrow, and sorrow is time as thought. So to end sorrow is to come into contact with death while living, by dying to your name, to your house, to your property, to your cause, so that you are fresh, young, clear, and you can see things as they are without any distortion. That is what is going to take place when you die. But we have a limited death to the physical. We know very well logically, sanely, that the organism is going to come to an end. So we invent a life which we have lived of daily agony, daily insensitivity, the increase of problems, and its stupidity; that life we want to carry over, which we call the "soul", which we say is the most sacred thing, a part of the divine, but it is still part of your thought and therefore it has nothing to do with divinity. It is your life! So one has to live every day dying, dying because you are then in contact with life. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

In Death Is Immortality

Surely, in ending there is renewal, is there not? It's only in death that a new thing comes into being. I am not giving you comfort. This is not something to be believed or thought about or intellectually examined and accepted, for then you will make it into another comfort, as you now believe in reincarnation or continuity in the hereafter, and so on. But the actual fact is that that which continues has no rebirth, no renewal. Therefore, in dying every day there is renewal, there is a rebirth. That is immortality. In death there is immortality, not the death of which you are afraid, but the death of previous conclusions, memories, experiences, with which you are identified as the 'me'. In the dying of the 'me' every minute there is eternity, there is immortality, there is a thing to be experienced -not to be speculated upon or lectured about, as you do about reincarnation and all that kind of stuff. When you are no longer afraid, because every minute there is an ending and therefore a renewal, then you are open to the unknown. Reality is the unknown. Death is also the unknown. But to call death beautiful, to say how marvelous it is because we shall continue in the hereafter and all that nonsense, has no reality. What has reality is seeing death as it is, an ending; an ending in which there is renewal, a rebirth, not a continuity. For that which continues decays; and that which has the power to renew itself is eternal. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Barry, R. A., Lawrence, E., & Langer, A. (2008). Conceptualization and assessment of disengagement in romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 15(3), 297-315

with questionnaire in this paper
Romantic Disengagement Scale

The opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference. –Elie Wiesel (October 1986)

Izhaki-Costi, O. R., & Schul, Y. (2011). I do not know you and I am keeping it that way: Attachment avoidance and empathic accuracy in the perception of strangers. Personal Relationships, 18(3), 321-340.

Baas, M., De Dreu, C. K. W., & Nijstad, B. A. (2011). Creative production by angry people peaks early on, decreases over time, and is relatively unstructured. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 47(6), 1107-1115

Critcher, C. R., & Dunning, D. (2011). No good deed goes unquestioned: Cynical reconstruals maintain belief in the power of self-interest. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 47(6), 1207-1213

tough-minded

tough-mindedness as underlying SDO, which is a trait in direct opposition to the virtue of generosity.
Tough-minded individuals are hard, ruthless, and unfeeling toward others, and are likely to see the world as a competitive ‘jungle.’ Experiences that engender generosity (such as helping others) allow one to see positive connections between individuals and social groups, rather than just competitive relationships.

Measurement of Interpersonal Generosity

Smith, C., & Hill, J. P. (2009). Toward the measurement of Interpersonal Generosity (IG): An IG scale conceptualized, tested, and validated.
http://generosityresearch.nd.edu/assets/13798/ig_paper_smith_hill_rev.pdf

Intergroup Helping as Status Relations

Nadler's model of Intergroup Helping as Status Relations (IHSR) assumes that “the helping behaviors of members of high status groups are expected to be driven by their wish to maintain their group's advantageous position.

Social dominance orientation

Pratto, F., Sidanius, J., Stallworth, L., & Malle, B. (1994). Social dominance orientation: A personality variable predicting social and political attitudes. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 67, 741–763.

Those who are high in SDO believe that it is appropriate for certain groups to dominate in society, while those who are low in SDO favor a more egalitarian approach to group relations. While SDO is generally stable over time.

generous individuals have lower levels of SDO, voicing greater support for egalitarian group relations.

generosity and social power

Margaret A, B. (2011). The power of generosity to change views on social power. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 47(6), 1285-1290.

countries vary in levels of mobility

Wang, C. S., Leung, A. K. y., See, Y. H. M., & Gao, X. Y. (2011). The effects of culture and friendship on rewarding honesty and punishing deception. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 47(6), 1295-1299

interaction appearance theory

Albada, K. F., Knapp, M. L., & Theune, K. E. (2002). Interaction appearance theory: Changing perceptions of physical attractiveness through social interaction. Communication Theory, 12, 8-40.

OccupyLA

Neimeyer, G. J., & Neimeyer, R. A. (1985). Relational Trajectories: A Personal Construct Contribution. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2(3), 325-349.

Only That Which Dies Can Renew Itself

When we talk of a spiritual entity, we mean by that something which is not within the field of the mind, obviously. Now, is the 'I' such a spiritual entity? If it is a spiritual entity, it must be beyond all time; therefore it cannot be reborn or continued. Thought cannot think about it because thought comes within the measure of time, thought is from yesterday, thought is a continuous movement, the response of the past; so thought is essentially a product of time. If thought can think about the 'I', then it is part of time; therefore, that 'I' is not free of time, therefore it is not spiritual, which is obvious. So, the 'I', the 'you' is only a process of thought; and you want to know whether that process of thought, continuing apart from the physical body, is born again, is reincarnated in a physical form. Now go a little further. That which continues can it ever discover the real, which is beyond time and measurement. That 'I', that entity which is a thought-process, can it ever be new? If it cannot, then there must be an ending to thought. Is not anything that continues inherently destructive? That which has continuity can never renew itself. As long as thought continues through memory, through desire, through experience, it can never renew itself; therefore, that which is continued cannot know the real. You may be reborn a thousand times, but you can never know the real, for only that which dies, that which comes to an end, can renew itself. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Cutrona, C. (1990). Stress and Social Support--in Search of Optimal Matching. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 9(1), 3-14.

Schulz, R., & Tompkins, C. (1990). Life Events and Changes in Social Relationships: Examples, Mechanisms, and Measurement. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 9(1), 69-77.

Newcomb, M. (1990). Social Support and Personal Characteristics: A Developmental and Interactional Perspective. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 9(1), 54-68.

Stalker typologies

Sheridan, L., & Boon, J. C. W. (2002). Stalker typologies: Implications for law enforcement. In J. C. W. Boon & L. Sheridan (Eds.), Stalking and psychosexual obsession: Psychological perspectives for prevention, policing and treatment (pp. 63–82). Chichester: Wiley.

I Am Afraid

My inquiry now is how to be free from the fear of the known, which is the fear of losing my family, my reputation, my character, my bank account, my appetites and so on. You may say that fear arises from conscience; but your conscience is formed by your conditioning, so conscience is still the result of the known. What do I know? Knowledge is having ideas, having opinions about things, having a sense of continuity as in relation to the known, and no more.There is fear of pain. Physical pain is a nervous response, but psychological pain arises when I hold on to things that give me satisfaction, for then I am afraid of anyone or anything that may take them away from me. The psychological accumulations prevent psychological pain as long as they are undisturbed; that is, I am a bundle of accumulations, experiences, which prevent any serious form of disturbance -and I do not want to be disturbed. Therefore, I am afraid of anyone who disturbs them. Thus my fear is of the known, I am afraid of the accumulations, physical or psychological, that I have gathered as a means of warding off pain or preventing sorrow. Knowledge also helps to prevent pain. As medical knowledge helps to prevent physical pain, so beliefs help to prevent psychological pain, and that is why I am afraid of losing my beliefs, though I have no perfect knowledge or concrete proof of the reality of such beliefs. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Feel the State of Death

We are afraid to die. To end the fear of death we must come into contact with death, not with the image which thought has created about death, but we must actually feel the state. Otherwise there is no end to fear, because the word death creates fear, and we don't even want to talk about it. Being healthy, normal, with the capacity to reason clearly, to think objectively, to observe, is it possible for us to come into contact with the fact, totally? The organism, through usage, through disease, will eventually die. If we are healthy, we want to find out what death means. It's not a morbid desire, because perhaps by dying we shall understand living. Living, as it is now, is torture, endless turmoil, a contradiction, and therefore there is conflict, misery and confusion. The everyday going to the office, the repetition of pleasure with its pains, the anxiety, the groping, the uncertainty -that's what we call living. We have become accustomed to that kind of living. We accept it; we grow old with it and die.To find out what living is as well as to find out what dying is, one must come into contact with death; that is, one must end every day everything one has known. One must end the image that one has built up about oneself, about one's family, about one's relationship, the image that one has built through pleasure, through one's relationship to society, everything. That is what is going to take place when death occurs. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Fincham, F., & Bradbury, T. (1990). Social Support in Marriage: The Role of Social Cognition. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 9(1), 31-42.

you are what you avoid

Shalvi, S., Handgraaf, M. J. J., & De Dreu, C. K. W. (2011). People avoid situations that enable them to deceive others. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 47(6), 1096-1106

Truman, J., & Mustaine, E. (2009). Strategies for College Student Stalking Victims: Examining the Information and Recommendations Available. American Journal of Criminal Justice, 34(1), 69-83

anti-stalking defenses

• Avoiding social contexts in which there is a high probability of encountering one’s stalker or others likely to adopt stalking
• Women’s avoidance of risky social settings especially during ovulation when most vulnerable to having mate choice bypassed through sexual coercion
• Women’s greater selectivity in short-term mating contexts
• The formation of social alliances for protection
• Women’s selection of physically formidable, socially dominant mates
• Concealing information from others likely to trigger their adoption of stalking strategies
• Psychological pain while being stalked to motivate response and mark contexts in memory so they can be more easily recognized and avoided in the future
• Focused attention on scenario building to consider possible strategies to end the stalking

Evolution of Stalking

Duntley, J., & Buss, D. The Evolution of Stalking. Sex Roles, 1-17.

Davis, K., Swan, S., & Gambone, L. Why Doesn’t He Just Leave Me Alone? Persistent Pursuit: A Critical Review of Theories and Evidence. Sex Roles, 1-12.

i am his mom

Fear of Death

Why are you afraid of death? Is it perhaps because you do not know how to live? If you knew how to live fully, would you be afraid of death? If you loved the trees, the sunset, the birds, the falling leaf; if you were aware of men and women in tears, of poor people, and really felt love in your heart, would you be afraid of death? Would you? Don't be persuaded by me. Let us think about it together.
You do not live with joy, you are not happy, you are not vitally sensitive to things; and is that why you ask what is going to happen when you die?  Life for you is sorrow, and so you are much more interested in death. You feel that perhaps there will be happiness after death. But that is a tremendous problem, and I do not know if you want to go into it. After all, fear is at the bottom of all this -- fear of dying, fear of living, fear of suffering. If you cannot understand what it is that causes fear and be free of it, then it does not matter very much whether you are living or dead. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

self-control

the tendency to consider the full range of potential costs of a particular act

Fox, K., Gover, A., & Kaukinen, C. (2009). The Effects of Low Self-Control and Childhood Maltreatment on Stalking Victimization among Men and Women. American Journal of Criminal Justice, 34(3), 181-197

Stalking Scripts

Yanowitz, K., & Yanowitz, J. The Role of Gender in the Generation of Stalking Scripts. Sex Roles, 1-12

associate with people of good quality

Associate yourself with people of good quality, for it is better to be alone than in bad company.”―Booker T. Washington

Bolger, N., Foster, M., Vinokur, A. D., & Ng, R. (1996). Close relationships and adjustments to a life crisis: The case of breast cancer. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70(2), 283-294.

Reis, H. (1990). The Role of Intimacy in Interpersonal Relations. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 9(1), 15-30.

believe you can cope ---   small  wins  may  produce more positive  self-assessments

if one can behave in a fashion that "appears" to reflect high mastery and self-esteem, individuals may increase their positive self-attributions.

conservation of resources (COR) theory

Hobfoll, S., & Freedy, J. (1990). The Availability and Effective Use of Social Support. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 9(1), 91-103.

positive affect

• pretend to have positive affect --- help increase positive behaviors --- help increase positive affect
• people who are able to regulate their own affects are capable of switching flexibly between different self-regulatory functions

Koole, S. L., & Kuhl, J. (2003). In Search of The Real Self: A Functional Perspective on Optimal Self-Esteem and Authenticity. Psychological Inquiry, 14(1), 43-48.

ex-files

Kellas, J. K., Bean, D., Cunningham, C., & Ka Yun Cheng. (2008). The ex-files: Trajectories, turning points, and adjustment in the development of post-dissolutional relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 25(1), 23-50.

Relational Transitions

Conville, R. L. (1988). Relational Transitions: An Inquiry into their Structure and Function. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 5(4), 423-437.

Sequences in Separation

Lee, L. (1984). Sequences in Separation: A Framework for Investigating Endings of the Personal (Romantic) Relationship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 1(1), 49-73.

Roloff, M. E., Soule, K. P., & Carey, C. M. (2001). Reasons for Remaining in a Relationship and Responses to Relational Transgressions. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 18(3), 362-385.

Rules of Friendship

Argyle, M., & Henderson, M. (1984). The Rules of Friendship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 1(2), 211-237.

Breaking Up is (Relatively) Easy to Do

Battaglia, D. M., Richard, F. D., Datteri, D. L., & Lord, C. G. (1998). Breaking Up is (Relatively) Easy to Do: A Script for the Dissolution of Close Relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 15(6), 829-845.

Pierce, G. R., Sarason, I. G., & Sarason, B. R. (1991). General and relationship-based perceptions of social support: Are two constructs better than one? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61(6), 1028-1039

with questionnaire in this paper

Rempel, J. K., Holmes, J. G., & Zanna, M. P. (1985). Trust in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 49(1), 95-112.

with questionnaire in this paper

power strategy

• Asking -- I  ask  him to  do what  I  want.
• Bargaining --- We usually negotiate something agreeable to both of us. We compromise.
• Laissez-faire --- We do our own thing. I just do it by myself.
• Negative  affect --- I pout or threaten to cry if I don't get my way.
• Persistence --- I repeatedly remind him of what I want until he gives in.
• Persuasion --- I try  to persuade him my way is right.
• Positive affect --- I smile a lot. I am especially affectionate.
• Reasoning --- I reason with her. I argue my point logically.
• Stating  importance --- I  tell  him how important  it  is to me.
• Suggesting --- I  drop  hints.  I  make  suggestions.
• Talking --- We talk about it. We discuss our differences and needs.
• Telling --- I  tell her what  I want. I state my needs.
• Withdrawal --- I  clam  up.  I become  silent.

Negative Behaviors

1. Not opening up to the other person (includes hiding feelings or being unemotional or cool, refusing to talk about things the other person may wish to discuss, etc.)
2. Not listening to the other person (includes any instance of not being willing to listen to the other person; would include the other's positive or negative experiences)
3. Acting in a rude or insensitive way (includes any inconsiderate behavior that does not show courtesy or appreciation for the other person; being late, thoughtless, impolite, etc.)
4. Acting in a critical or nagging way (includes any nonjoking criticism, mean behavior, teasing, etc.)
5. Acting in a dominating or overbearing way (includes giving orders, acting bossy, generally trying to dominate, etc.)
6. Acting in a selfish or egocentric way (includes any tendency not to see anyone else's point of view, being stubborn, boasting, refusing to admit mistakes, etc.)
7. Acting in an immature or irresponsible way (includes childishness, impatience, unreliability, inconsistency, forgetfulness. etc.)
8. Engaging in an unpleasant personal habit or habits (includes a variety of crude or repulsive behaviors, such as drinking too much, poor manners, poor hygiene, foul language, etc.)
9. Paying excessive attention to members of the opposite sex (includes flirting, having contact with ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends, etc.)
10. Acting in an untrustworthy manner (includes instances of lying, cheating on the other person, etc.)
11. Acting in a possessive way (includes being too serious about the relationship, making the other feel smothered, suffocated, etc.).

Positive Behaviors

1. Opening up to the other person (includes readily sharing thoughts, feelings, etc. with the other; disclosing about personal issues; being emotionally open, etc.)
2. Readily listening to the other person (includes being willing to listen to the other's thoughts, feelings, etc.; encouraging the other to talk about such matters, etc.)
3. Acting in an affectionate or loving way (includes such behaviors as being warm and romantic, gentle and caring, tender and sentimental, etc.)
4. Acting in an appreciative or supportive way (includes reassuring or comforting the other person, acting in a way that shows appreciation of the other as a person, etc.)
5. Acting in a thoughtful or considerate way (includes any behavior indicating sensitivity to the wishes or needs of others; being polite, well-mannered, etc.)
6. Acting in a generous or giving way (includes behaviors indicating helpfulness and unselfishness, willingness to share with others, etc.).
7. Acting in an even-tempered way (includes any behavior indicating that one is quiet, laid back, not easily angered or upset, etc.)
8. Acting in a patient or understanding way (includes being tolerant of the other, willing to forgive the other, etc.)
9. Acting in a confident or independent way (includes behaviors indicating self-assurance in life)
10. Acting friendly or outgoing (includes behavior indicating extraversion or having good social skills, enjoying the presence of other people, etc.)
11. Acting in a positive and optimistic way (includes behaviors indicating a positive outlook on life, being good-humored and cheerful, being enthusiastic about life, etc.).
12. Acting in an ambitious or motivated way (includes being dedicated,determined, a hard worker, etc.)
13. Acting in an honest or dependable way (includes instances of being trustworthy, responsible, etc.)
14. Acting in a wise or intelligent way (includes showing a good common sense, giving good advice, etc.)

personal distress

the tendency to experience personal feelings of distress and anxiety in the presence of distressed others

Die Every Day

What is age? Is it the number of years you have lived? That is part of age; you were born in such and such a year, and now you are fifteen, forty or sixty years old. Your body grows old and so does your mind when it is burdened with all the experiences, miseries and weariness of life; and such a mind can never discover what is truth. The mind can discover only when it is young, fresh, innocent; but innocence is not a matter of age. It is not only the child that is innocent -he may not be- but the mind that is capable of experiencing without accumulating the residue of experience. The mind must experience, that is inevitable. It must respond to everything -to the river, to the diseased animal, to the dead body being carried away to be burnt, to the poor villagers carrying their burdens along the road, to the tortures and miseries of life- otherwise it is already dead; but it must be capable of responding without being held by the experience. It is tradition, the accumulation of experience, the ashes of memory, that make the mind old. The mind that dies every day to the memories of yesterday, to all the joys and sorrows of the past such a mind is fresh, innocent, it has no age; and without that innocence, whether you are ten or sixty, you will not find God. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Only One Hour to Live

If you had only one hour to live, what would you do? Would you not arrange what is necessary outwardly, your affairs, your will, and so on? Would you not call your family and friends together and ask their forgiveness for the harm that you might have done to them, and forgive them for whatever harm they might have done to you? Would you not die completely to the things of the mind, to desires and to the world? And if it can be done for an hour, then it can also be done for the days and years that may remain. Try it and you will find out. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Nana Mouskouri - Les Parapluies de Cherbourg

Rook, K. S. (2001). Emotional health and positive versus negative social exchanges: A daily diary analysis. Applied Developmental Science, 5, 86-97.

Kruglanski, A. W., & Webster, D. M. (1996). Motivated closing of the mind: "Seizing" and "freezing.". Psychological Review, 103(2), 263-263-283

Positive Well-Being

• I am quite good at managing the many responsibilities of my daily life
• I have confidence in my own opinions, even if they are contrary to the general consensus
• I live life one day at a time and don't really think about the future (R)
• I like most aspects of my personality

social conflict

Major, B., Zubek, J. M., Cooper, M. L., Cozzarelli, C., & Richards, C. (1997). Mixed messages: Implications of social conflict and social support within close relationships for adjustment to a stressful life event. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 72(6), 1349-1363.

• perceptions that others were supportive correlated significantly with measures of positive mental health (e.g., perceived quality of life)
• Said cruel or angry things to you
• Fought or argued with you more than usual
• Let you know that you let [him, her] down
• Rejected you or withdrew their love and affection from you
• Criticized you more than usual
• Refused to give you help that you needed (such as money, transportation to the doctor, etc.)
• Let you know he.she disagreed with the decision
• Pressured you to ----

received support

Barry, R. A., Bunde, M., Brock, R. L., & Lawrence, E. (2009). Validity and utility of a multidimensional model of received support in intimate relationships. Journal of Family Psychology, 23(1), 48-57

with questionnaire in this paper

Unmitigated Communion

Helgeson, V. S., & Fritz, H. L. (1998). A Theory of Unmitigated Communion. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 2(3), 173-183.

• I always place the needs of others above my own
• I can't say no when someone asks me for help
• I worry about how other people get along without me when I am not there
• I have no trouble sleeping at night when other people are upset
• I never find myself getting overly involved in others' problems
• For me to be happy, I need others to be happy.
• It is impossible for me to satisfy my own needs when they interfere with the needs of others.
• Even when exhausted, I will always help other people.
• I often worry about others' problems.

china-- state capitalism

http://blogs.reuters.com/ian-bremmer/2011/11/04/the-secret-to-china%e2%80%99s-boom-state-capitalism/

agentic and communal

fully developed individual would have the ability to move in both agentic and communal modes.

intimacy maturity

White, K. M., Speisman, J. C., Jackson, D., Bartis, S., & Costos, D. (1986). Intimacy maturity and its correlates in young married couples. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 50(1), 152-162.

in every marriage (or every intimate relationship), there are two marriages (or intimate relationships)—his and hers

talk about the relationship

Acitelli, L. K. (1988). When Spouses Talk to Each Other about their Relationship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 5(2), 185-199.

with examples in this paper

from the cradle to the grave

• Bowlby (1979) proposed that attachment relationships contribute to personality and social development from the cradle to the grave.
• Bowlby (1980) believed that life’s deepest and most intense emotions arise in the context of attachment relationships.
• one of the principal functions of the attachment system is to regulate negative affect, especially when individuals are ill, fatigued, afraid, overly challenged, or in pain.

attachment and loss

Many of the most intense emotions arise during the formation, the maintenance, the disruption, and the renewal of attachment relationships. The formation of a bond is described as falling in love, maintaining a bond as loving someone, and losing a partner as grieving over someone. Similarly, threat of loss arouses anxiety, and actual loss
gives rise to sorrow, while each of these situations is likely to arouse anger. The unchallenged maintenance of a bond is experienced as a source of security, and the renewal of a bond as a source of joy.
Because such emotions are usually a reflection of the state of a person’s affectional bonds, the psychology and psychopathology of emotion is found to be in large part the psychology and psychopathology of affectional bonds.

—John Bowlby, Attachment and Loss: Vol. 3. Loss: Depression, and Sadness

Simpson, J. A., Collins, W. A., Tran, S., & Haydon, K. C. (2007). Attachment and the experience and expression of emotions in romantic relationships: A developmental perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(2), 355-36

"Perceptions" of Conflict and Support

Campbell, L., Simpson, J. A., Boldry, J., & Kashy, D. A. (2005). Perceptions of Conflict and Support in Romantic Relationships: The Role of Attachment Anxiety. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 88(3), 510-531

human doing

attachment security

the quality of interactions with significant others in times of need shapes interaction goals, relational cognitions, and interpersonal behavior.

When significant others are perceived as available and responsive to proximity-seeking attempts, a sense of attachment security is attained, intimacy and nurturance become primary interaction goals, and partners are thought to be trustworthy and reliable.

However, when partners are felt to be emotionally unavailable, insecurities and doubts about close relationships predominate, leading to the adoption of either of two defensive strategies for dealing with these insecurities (Cassidy & Kobak, 1988; Mikulincer & Shaver, 2003).

1. hyperactivation strategy--- the main goal is to get a relationship partner, perceived as insufficiently available and responsive, to provide support and protection
2. deactivation strategies --- maintain emotional distance from relationship partners and to strive for self-reliance (Main, 1990; Mikulincer & Shaver, 2003).

attachment style change

Davila, J., Burge, D., & Hammen, C. (1997). Why does attachment style change? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 73(4), 826-838

stable vulnerability

personality disturbance

• neuroticism
• anger-hostility
• impulsivity
• borderline personality disorder--- I feel empty and bored much of the time
• histrionic personality disorder --- I am both emotional and dramatic
• antisocial personality disorder--- I've been in trouble with the law several times
• dependent personality disorder --- I am very dependent on others for things that I should be able to do for myself

past history of psychopathology

family history of psychopathology

family status (intact vs. nonintact)--- whether families were intact (i.e.. their parents were married) or nonintact (i.e., their parents were separated or divorced).

Davila, J., Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. (1999). Attachment change processes in the early years of marriage. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(5), 783-802

Live in This World Anonymously

Is it not possible to live in this world without ambition, just being what you are? If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation. I think one can live in this world anonymously, completely unknown, without being famous, ambitious, cruel. One can live very happily when no importance is given to the self; and this also is part of right education.The whole world is worshipping success. You hear stories of how the poor boy studied at night and eventually became a judge, or how he began by selling newspapers and ended up a multi-millionaire. You are fed on the glorification of success. With achievement of great success there is also great sorrow; but most of us are caught up in the desire to achieve, and success is much more important to us than the understanding and dissolution of sorrow. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Relationship Costs

Clark, M. S., & Grote, N. K. (1998). Why Aren't Indices of Relationship Costs Always Negatively Related to Indices of Relationship Quality? Personality and Social Psychology Review, 2(1), 2-17

with questionnaire in this paper

• Behaving Communally
• Intentional Costs
• Unintentional Costs
• Intentional Benefits
• Unintentional Benefits

Clark, M. S., & Mills, J. (1979). Interpersonal attraction in exchange and communal relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 37(1), 12-24.

Fletcher, G. J. O., Simpson, J. A., & Thomas, G. (2000). The Measurement of Perceived Relationship Quality Components: A Confirmatory Factor Analytic Approach. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 26(3), 340-354.

with questionnaire in this paper

Positive Reframing

• I looked for something good in what happened.
• I tried to learn something from the experience.
• I tried to grow as a person as a result of the --- experience.
• I tried to see the --- in a different light to make it seem more positive.

Acceptance

• I learned to live with the ---.
• I accepted the reality of the fact that the --- happened.
• I accepted that the --- had happened and that it couldn't be changed.
• I got used to the idea that it happened.

The purpose of life

There are many people who will give you the purpose of life; they will tell you what the sacred books say. Clever people will go on inventing what the purpose of life is. The political group will have one purpose, the religious group will have another purpose, and so on and on. So, what is the purpose of life when you yourself are confused? When I am confused, I ask you this question, "What is the purpose of life?" because I hope that through this confusion, I shall find an answer. How can I find a true answer when I am confused? Do you understand? If I am confused, I can only receive an answer that is also confused. If my mind is confused, if my mind is disturbed, if my mind is not beautiful, quiet, whatever answer I receive will be through this screen of confusion, anxiety, and fear; therefore, the answer will be perverted. So, what is important is not to ask, "What is the purpose of life, of existence?" but to clear the confusion that is within you. It is like a blind man who asks, "What is light?" If I tell him what light is, he will listen according to his blindness, according to his darkness; but suppose he is able to see, then he will never ask the question, "What is light?" It is there.Similarly, if you can clarify the confusion within yourself, then you will find what the purpose of life is; you will not have to ask, you will not have to look for it; all that you have to do is to be free from those causes which bring about confusion. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Lyons, J. S., Perrotta, P., & Hancher-Kvam, S. (1988). Perceived Social Support From Family and Friends: Measurement Across Disparate Samples. Journal of Personality Assessment, 52(1), 42.

Perceived Social Support

Zimet, G. D., Dahlem, N. W., Zimet, S. G., & Farley, G. K. (1988). The Multidimensional Scale of Perceived Social Support. Journal of Personality Assessment, 52(1), 30.

with questionnaire in this paper

Cutrona, C. E., Shaffer, P. A., Wesner, K. A., & Gardner, K. A. (2007). Optimally matching support and perceived spousal sensitivity. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(4), 754-758

Attachment orientations

1. I find it relatively easy to get close to others
2. I'm not very comfortable having to depend on other people
3. I'm comfortable having others depend on me
4. I rarely worry about being abandoned by others
5. I don't like people getting too close to me
6. I'm somewhat uncomfortable being too close to others
7. I find it difficult to trust others completely
8. I'm nervous whenever anyone gets too close to me
9. Others often want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being
10. Others often are reluctant to get as close as I would like
11. I often worry that my partner(s) don't really love me
12. I rarely worry about my partner(s) leaving me
13. I often want to merge completely with others, and this desire sometimes scares them away
14. I'm confident others would never hurt me by suddenly ending our relationship
15. I usually want more closeness and intimacy than others do
16. The thought of being left by others rarely enters my mind
17. I'm confident that my partner(s) love me just as much as I love them."

Simpson, J. A., Rholes, W. S., & Phillips, D. (1996). Conflict in close relationships: An attachment perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71(5), 899-914.

interactional justice

Heuer, L., Blumenthal, E., Douglas, A., & Weinblatt, T. (1999). A Deservingness Approach to Respect as a Relationally Based Fairness Judgment. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 25(10), 1279-1292.

Gleason, M. E. J., Iida, M., Bolger, N., & Shrout, P. E. (2003). Daily Supportive Equity in Close Relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 29(8), 1036-1045

Interest in Another's Consideration of One's Needs

Clark, M. S., Dubash, P., & Mills, J. (1998). Interest in Another's Consideration of One's Needs in Communal and Exchange Relationships. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 34(3), 246-264

fish love batman, too

intimacy-anger

chronic childhood frustration of attachment needs may lead to adult proneness to react with extreme anger (which I refer to as “intimacy-anger”) when relevant attachment cues are present. Thus, attachment theory suggests that an assaultive male’s violent outbursts may be a form of dysfunctional protest behavior directed at his attachment figure (in this case, a sexual partner) and precipitated by perceived threats of separation or abandonment. A “Fearful” attachment pattern may be most strongly associated with intimacy-anger. Fearful individuals “desire social contact and intimacy but experience pervasive interpersonal distrust and fear of rejection” (Bartholomew, 1990), leading inevitably to chronic dissatisfaction in intimate relationships. This style manifests in hypersensitivity to rejection (rejection-sensitivity), and active avoidance of close relationships where vulnerability to rejection exists.

Male abusiveness-- why he get so angry in intimate relationships?

Donald G, D. (1995). Male abusiveness in intimate relationships. Clinical Psychology Review, 15(6), 567-581

an unstable self of the self and an inability to tolerate aloneness, these men depend on

their relationship with their female partner to prevent their fragile selfhood from disintegrating
tendency to split women into ideal and devalued objects and to project angry impulses
onto the devalued woman-object. This projection or blaming attributional tendency serves to maintain high degrees of chronic intimate anger and may have its origin in
attempts to ward off shame

tendency   to  make  blaming  attributions

pleasant affect, unpleasant affect

pleasant affect
happy, pleased, enjoyment/fun, and joyful

unpleasant affect
worried/anxious, frustrated, angry/hostile, unhappy, and depressed/blue

Submissiveness

• I gave in
• I avoided taking the lead or being responsible

Dominance

• I asked the other to do something
• I made a suggestion

Agreeableness

• I smiled and laughed with others
• I expressed affection with words or gestures

Quarrelsomeness

• I  criticized  the  other
• I made a sarcastic comment
• I confronted the others about something I did not like

interpersonal behavior

agency vs communion

• Agency is represented by a bipolar axis ranging from assertive-dominant behavior to passive-submissive behavior
• Communion is represented by a bipolar axis ranging from agreeable behavior to quarrelsome behavior.

1. Extraversion ---  friendly dominance (high agreeableness and high dominance)
2. Neuroticism --- Coldheartedness --- quarrelsome  behavior --- Submissiveness
3. Agreeableness --- Friendly Submissiveness

how you like (prefer) to interact with people reflect who you are

Côté, S., & Moskowitz, D. S. (1998). On the dynamic covariation between interpersonal behavior and affect: Prediction from neuroticism, extraversion, and agreeableness. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75(4), 1032-1046.

individuals who have high scores on Neuroticism experienced less unpleasant affect than individuals with low scores on Neuroticism when engaging in quarrelsome behavior

compared with agreeable individuals, individuals with high scores on the trait of Quarrelsomeness experienced relatively more positively valenced affect when engaging in quarrelsome behaviors and relatively more negatively valenced affect when engaging in agreeable behaviors

the behavioral concordance model posits that dominant individuals experience more positively valenced affect than individuals low on dominance when engaging in dominant behavior

When emotionally stable individuals engage in agreeable behavior and dominant behavior, they "feel good." When these individuals engage in submissive and quarrelsome behavior, they "feel bad."

 most individuals generally experience pleasant affect when engaging in agreeable and dominant behaviors, and unpleasant affect when engaging in quarrelsome and submissive behaviors.

agreeable and dominant behaviors are more common in social interactions than submissive and
quarrelsome behaviors

studying dispositions in dynamic terms

as a reaction to circumstances, rather  than  as  static qualities

“template matching”—that individuals respond to situations to the extent that its features match important dispositional templates. Further support is provided by the behavioral concordance model of Coté and Moskowitz (1998), who found that individuals high in agreeableness and neuroticism experienced more positive affect when engaging in behaviors consonant with those traits.

Daily Well-Being

Reis, H. T., Sheldon, K. M., Gable, S. L., Roscoe, J., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). Daily Well-Being: The Role of Autonomy, Competence, and Relatedness. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 26(4), 419-435.

social hindrance

Rafaeli, E., Cranford, J. A., Green, A. S., Shrout, P. E., & Bolger, N. (2008). The Good and Bad of Relationships: How Social Hindrance and Social Support Affect Relationship Feelings in Daily Life. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 34(12), 1703-1718

invalidation ---  rejection or criticism
tensions, disagreements, arguments , conflicts, anger, insensitivity, insults

Affective Synchrony

Davis, H. C., & Haymaker, D. J. (1988). Marital Interaction: Affective Synchrony of Self-Reported Emotional Components. Journal of Personality Assessment, 52(1), 48.

secure base processe

Davila, J., & Kashy, D. A. (2009). Secure base processes in couples: Daily associations between support experiences and attachment security. Journal of Family Psychology, 23(1), 76-88.

• Secure individuals --- those high on comfort with intimacy and low on anxiety about abandonment
• only people who are not particularly anxious about abandonment are sensitive caregivers. On days when partners report seeking more support, anxious people actually provide less
• people high on anxiety about abandonment are unable to match their support provision to their partners’ support needs
• a relationship that includes an anxious partner may be at high risk for a vicious cycle of insecurity among both partners
• When people perceive their partner as being needy, it increases their own anxiety about abandonment. People may then respond to anxious partners with increases in support provision, but doing so may increase the partners’ anxiety, which is consistent with the finding that anxious  people report less felt support. Therefore, providing support to an anxious partner may be a challenging, frustrating endeavor with little positive yield for either partner.

attributions

Gurung, R. A. R., Sarason, B. R., & Sarason, I. G. (1997). Personal characteristics, relationship quality, and social support perceptions and behavior in young adult romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 4(4), 319-339.

attributions in marriage (Bradbury & Fincham, 1990,1992; Fincham, Bradbury, & Beach, 1990; Holzworth-Munroe & Jacobson, 1987; Miller & Bradbury, 1995) and others demonstrates that when spouses make negative attributions concerning their partners’ behavioral intent, the quality of the marriage declines. This decline in quality appears to be independent of spouses’ personal characteristics such as negative affectivity or depression among other characteristics (Fincham, Beach, & Bradbury, 1989; Karney, Bradbury, Fincham, & Sullivan, 1994).

raining monday

in a place usually has no rain ....

take personal responsibility

You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of. —Jim Rohn

Why Science Majors Change Their Minds (It’s Just So Darn Hard)

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/06/education/edlife/why-science-majors-change-their-mind-its-just-so-darn-hard.html

better to attend cal state than berkeley?

Wanted: Worldly Philosophers

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/06/opinion/sunday/worldly-philosophers-wanted.html

simple--In the School of Innovation, Less Is Often More

doing the most with the least

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/06/business/simple-innovation-is-often-the-most-successful-prototype.html

At the Edge of All Thought

Has it ever happened to you -I am sure it has-that you suddenly perceive something, and in that moment of perception you have no problems at all? The very moment you have perceived the problem, the problem has completely ceased. Do you understand, sirs? You have a problem, and you think about it, argue with it, worry over it; you exercise every means within the limits of your thought to understand it. Finally you say, I can do no more.' There is nobody to help you to understand, no guru, no book. You are left with the problem, and there is no way out. Having inquired into the problem to the full extent of your capacity, you leave it alone. Your mind is no longer worried, no longer tearing at the problem, no longer saying, 'I must find an answer'; so it becomes quiet, does it not? And in that quietness you find the answer. Hasn't that sometimes happened to you? It is not an enormous thing. It happens to great mathematicians, scientists, and people experience it occasionally in everyday life. Which means what? The mind has exercised fully its capacity to think, and has come to the edge of all thought without having found an answer; therefore it becomes quiet not through weariness, not through fatigue, not by saying, 'I will be quiet and thereby find the answer.' Having already done everything possible to find the answer, the mind becomes spontaneously quiet. There is an awareness without choice, without any demand, an awareness in which there is no anxiety; and in that state of mind there is perception. It is this perception alone that will resolve all our problems. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

This Choiceless Awareness

Great seers have always told us to acquire experience. They have said that experience gives us understanding. But it is only the innocent mind, the mind unclouded by experience, totally free from the past; it is only such a mind that can perceive what is reality. If you see the truth of that, if you perceive it for a split second, you will know the extraordinary clarity of a mind that is innocent. This means the falling away of all the encrustations of memory, which is the discarding of the past. But to perceive it, there can be no question of 'how'. Your mind must not be distracted by the 'how', by the desire for an answer. Such a mind is not an attentive mind. As I said earlier in this talk, in the beginning is the end. In the beginning is the seed of the ending of that which we call sorrow. The ending of sorrow is realized in sorrow itself, not away from sorrow. To move away from sorrow is merely to find an answer, a conclusion, an escape; but sorrow continues. Whereas, if you give it your complete attention, which is to be attentive with your whole being, then you will see that there is an immediate perception in which no time is involved, in which there is no effort, no conflict; and it is this immediate perception, this choiceless awareness that puts an end to sorrow. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

The Active Still Mind

The mind that is really still is astonishingly active, alive, potent, not towards anything in particular. It is only such a mind which is verbally free, free from experience, from knowledge. Such a mind can perceive what is true, such a mind has direct perception, which is beyond time.The mind can only be silent when it has understood the process of time and that requires watchfulness, does it not? Must not such a mind be free, not from anything, but be free? We only know freedom from something. A mind that is free from something is not a free mind; such freedom, the freedom from something, is only a reaction, and it is not freedom. A mind that is seeking freedom is never free. But the mind is free when it understands the fact, as it is, without translating, without condemning, without judging; and being free, such a mind is an innocent mind, though it lived 100 days, 100 years, having all the experiences. It is innocent because it is free, not from anything but in itself. It is only such a mind that can perceive that which is true, which is beyond time. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Out of Perception Comes Energy

The problem is, surely, to free the mind totally so that it is in a state of awareness that has no border, no frontier. And how is the mind to discover that state? How is it to come to that freedom?I hope you are seriously putting this question to yourselves, because I am not putting it to you. I am not trying to influence you; I am merely pointing out the importance of asking oneself this question. The verbal asking of the question by another has no meaning if you don't put it to yourself with instance, with urgency. The margin of freedom is growing narrower every day, as you must know if you are at all observant. The politicians, the leaders, the priests, the newspapers and books you read, the knowledge you acquire, the beliefs you cling to all this is making the margin of freedom more and more narrow. If you are aware of this process going on, if you actually perceive the narrowness of the spirit, the increasing slavery of the mind, then you will find that out of perception comes energy; and it is this energy born of perception that is going to shatter the petty mind, the respectable mind, the mind that goes to the temple, the mind that is afraid. So perception is the way of truth. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Can a Human Being Change?

One must have asked oneself, I'm quite sure, whether one changes at all. I know that outward circumstances change; we marry, divorce, have children; there is death, a better job, the pressure of new inventions, and so on. Outwardly there is a tremendous revolution going on in cybernetics and automation. One must have asked oneself whether it is at all possible for one to change at all, not in relation to outward events, not a change that is a mere repetition or a modified continuity, but a radical revolution, a total mutation of the mind. When one realizes, as one must have noticed within oneself, that actually one doesn't change, one gets terribly depressed, or one escapes from oneself. So the inevitable question arises: can there be change at all? We go back to a period when we were young, and that comes back to us again. Is there change at all in human beings? Have you changed at all? Perhaps there has been a modification on the periphery, but deeply, radically, have you changed? Perhaps we do not want to change because we are fairly comfortable.I want to change. I see that I am terribly unhappy, depressed, ugly, violent, with an occasional flash of something other than the mere result of a motive; and I exercise my will to do something about it. I say I must be different, I must drop this habit, that habit; I must think differently; I must act in a different way; I must be more this and less that. One makes a tremendous effort and at the end of it one is still shoddy, depressed, ugly, brutal, without any sense of quality. So one then asks oneself if there is change at all. Can a human being change? - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Transformation Without Motivation

How am I to transform? I see the truth -at least, I see something in it- that a change, a transformation, must begin at a level that the mind, as the conscious or the unconscious, cannot reach, because my consciousness as a whole is conditioned. So, what am I to do? I hope I am making the problem clear? If I may put it differently, Can my mind, the conscious as well as the unconscious, be free of society? -society being all the education, the culture, the norm, the values, the standards. Because if it is not free, then whatever change it tries to bring about within that conditioned state is still limited, and therefore no change at all. So, can I look without any motive? Can my mind exist without any incentive, without any motive to change or not to change? Because any motive is the outcome of the reaction of a particular culture, is born out of a particular background. So, can my mind be free from the given culture in which I have been brought up? This is really quite an important question. Because if the mind is not free from the culture in which it has been reared, nurtured, surely the individual can never be at peace, can never have freedom. His gods and his myths, his symbols, and all his endeavors are limited, for they are still within the field of the conditioned mind. Whatever efforts he makes, or does not make, within that limited field, are really futile in the deepest sense of that word. There may be a better decoration of the prison, more light -more windows, better food-but it is still the prison of a particular culture." - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

A Psychological Revolution

Is it possible for the thinker and the thought, for the observer and the observed, to be one? You will never find out if you merely glance at this problem and superficially ask me to explain what I mean by this or that. Surely, this is your problem, it is not my problem only; you are not here to find out how I look at this problem or the problems of the world. This constant battle within, which is so destructive, so deteriorating; it is your problem, is it not? And it is also your problem how to bring about a radical change in yourself and not be satisfied with superficial revolutions in politics, in economics, in different bureaucracies. You are not trying to understand me or the way I look at life. You are trying to understand yourself, and these are your problems which you have to face; and by considering them together, which is what we are doing in these talks, we can perhaps help each other to look at them more clearly, see them more distinctly. But to see clearly merely at the verbal level is not enough. That does not bring about a creative psychological change. We must go beyond the words, beyond all symbols and their sensations.We must put aside all these things and come to the central issue, how to dissolve the "me" which is time-binding, in which there is no love, no compassion. It is possible to go beyond only when the mind does not separate itself as the thinker and the thought. When the thinker and the thought are one, only then is there silence, the silence in which there is no image-making or waiting for further experience. In that silence there is no experiencer who is experiencing, and only then is there a psychological revolution that is creative. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Breaking Habits

Let us find out how to understand this whole process of habit forming and habit breaking. We can take the example of smoking, and you can substitute your own habit, your own particular problem, and experiment with your own problem directly as I am experimenting with the problem of smoking. It is a problem, it becomes a problem, when I want to give it up; as long as I am satisfied with it, it is not a problem. The problem arises when I have to do something about a particular habit, when the habit becomes a disturbance. Smoking has created a disturbance, so I want to be free of it. I want to stop smoking; I want to be rid of it, to put it aside, so my approach to smoking is one of resistance or condemnation. That is, I don't want to smoke, so my approach is either to suppress it, condemn it, or to find a substitute for it -instead of smoking, to chew. Now, can I look at the problem free of condemnation, justification, or suppression? Can I look at my smoking without any sense of rejection? Try to experiment with it now as I am talking, and you will see how extraordinarily difficult it is not to reject or accept. Because, our whole tradition, our whole background, is urging us to reject or to justify rather than to be curious about it. Instead of being passively watchful, the mind always operates on the problem. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Live the Four Seasons in a Day

Is it not essential that there should be a constant renewal, a rebirth? If the present is burdened with the experience of yesterday there can be no renewal. Renewal is not the action of birth and death; it is beyond the opposites; only freedom from the accumulation of memory brings renewal, and there is no understanding save in the present.
The mind can understand the present only if it does not compare, judge; the desire to alter or condemn the present without understanding it gives continuance to the past. Only in comprehending the reflection of the past in the mirror of the present, without distortion, is there renewal. If you have lived an experience fully, completely, have you not found that it leaves no traces behind? It is only the incomplete experiences that leave their mark, giving continuity to self-identified memory. We consider the present as a means to an end, so the present loses its immense significance. The present is the eternal. But how can a mind that is made up, put together, understand that which is not put together, which is beyond all value, the eternal?As each experience arises, live it out as fully and deeply as possible; think it out, feel it out extensively and profoundly; be aware of its pain and pleasure, of your judgments and identifications. Only when experience is completed is there a renewal. We must be capable of living the four seasons in a day; to be keenly aware, to experience, to understand and be free of the gatherings of each day. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Anonymous Creativity

Have you ever thought about it? We want to be famous as a writer, as a poet, as a painter, as a politician, as a singer, or what you will. Why? Because we really don't love what we are doing. If you loved to sing, or to paint, or to write poems, if you really loved it you would not be concerned with whether you are famous or not. To want to be famous is tawdry, trivial, stupid, it has no meaning; but, because we don't love what we are doing, we want to enrich ourselves with fame. Our present education is rotten because it teaches us to love success and not what we are doing. The result has become more important than the action.You know, it is good to hide your brilliance under a bushel, to be anonymous, to love what you are doing and not to show off. It is good to be kind without a name. That does not make you famous, it does not cause your photograph to appear in the newspapers. Politicians do not come to your door. You are just a creative human being living anonymously, and in that there is richness and great beauty. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Empty Techniques

You cannot reconcile creativeness with technical achievement. You may be perfect in playing the piano, and not be creative; you may play the piano most brilliantly, and not be a musician. You may be able to handle color, to put paint on canvas most cleverly, and not be a creative painter. You may create a face, an image out of a stone, because you have learned the technique, and not be a master creator. Creation comes first, not technique, and that is why we are miserable all our lives. We have technique -how to put up a house, how to build a bridge, how to assemble a motor, how to educate our children through a system we have learned all these techniques, but our hearts and minds are empty. We are first class machines; we know how to operate most beautifully, but we do not love a living thing. You may be a good engineer, you may be a pianist, you may write in a good style in English or Marathi or whatever your language is, but creativeness is not found through technique. If you have something to say, you create your own style; but when you have nothing to say, even if you have a beautiful style, what you write is only the traditional routine, a repetition in new words of the same old thing. So, having lost the song, we pursue the singer. We learn from the singer the technique of song, but there is no song; and I say the song is essential, the joy of singing is essential. When the joy is there, the technique can be built up from nothing; you will invent your own technique, you won't have to study elocution or style. When you have, you see, and the very seeing of beauty is an art. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Know When Not to Cooperate

Reformers -political, social, and religious- will only cause more sorrow for man unless man understands the workings of his own mind. In the understanding of the total process of the mind, there is a radical, inward revolution, and from that inward revolution springs the action of true cooperation, which is not cooperation with a pattern, with authority, with somebody who "knows." When you know how to co-operate because there is this inward revolution, then you will also know when not to cooperate, which is really very important, perhaps more important. We now cooperate with any person who offers a reform, a change, which only perpetuates conflict and misery, but if we can know what it is to have the spirit of cooperation that comes into being with the understanding of the total process of the mind and in which there is freedom from the self, then there is a possibility of creating a new civilization, a totally different world in which there is no acquisitiveness, no envy, no comparison. This is not a theoretical utopia but the actual state of the mind that is constantly inquiring and pursuing that which is true and blessed. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

Why Is There Crime?

You see, there is either a revolt within the pattern of society, or a complete revolution outside of society. The complete revolution outside of society is what I call religious revolution. Any revolution that is not religious is within society and is therefore no revolution at all, but only a modified continuation of the old pattern. What is happening throughout the world, I believe, is revolt within society, and this revolt often takes the form of what is called crime. There is bound to be this kind of revolt so long as our education is concerned only with training youth to fit into society,that is, to get a job, to earn money, to be acquisitive, to have more, to conform.That is what our so-called education everywhere is doing: teaching the young to conform, religiously, morally, economically; so naturally their revolt has no meaning, except that it must be suppressed, reformed, or controlled. Such revolt is still within the framework of society, and therefore it is not creative at all. But through right education we could perhaps bring about a different understanding by helping to free the mind from all conditioning -that is, by encouraging the young to be aware of the many influences which condition the mind and make it conform. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

she made a right decision......
it is better to find the problems early than late.....

Trickett, P. K., Kim, K., & Prindle, J. (2011). Variations in emotional abuse experiences among multiply maltreated young adolescents and relations with developmental outcomes. Child Abuse & Neglect, 35(10), 876-886.

Covert, M. V., Tangney, J. P., Maddux, J. E., & Heleno, N. M. (2003). Shame proneness, guilt proneness, and interpersonal problem solving: A social cognitive analysis. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 22, 1-12.

Tangney, J. P., Wagner, P., Fletcher, C., & Gramzow, R. (1992). Shamed into anger? The relation of shame and guilt to anger and self-reported aggression. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 62(4), 669-669-675.

Patricia M, C. (1992). Children's strategies for coping with adverse home environments: An interpretation using attachment theory. Child Abuse & Neglect, 16(3), 329-343.

child emotional abuse definitions

Slep, A. M. S., Heyman, R. E., & Snarr, J. D. (2011). Child emotional aggression and abuse: Definitions and prevalence. Child Abuse & Neglect, 35(10), 783-796.

Measurement of emotional/psychological child maltreatment

Tonmyr, L., Draca, J., Crain, J., & MacMillan, H. L. (2011). Measurement of emotional/psychological child maltreatment: A review. Child Abuse & Neglect, 35(10), 767-782

FARRINGTON, D. P., COID, J. W., & MURRAY, J. (2009). Family factors in the intergenerational transmission of offending. Criminal Behaviour and Mental Health, 19, 109-124.

The true measure of an individual is how he treats a person who can do him absolutely no good. - Ann Landers

Riggs, S. A., Cusimano, A. M., & Benson, K. M. (2011). Childhood emotional abuse and attachment processes in the dyadic adjustment of dating couples. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 58(1), 126-126-138.

Intergenerational Transmission of Relationship Violence

Kwong, M. J., Bartholomew, K., Henderson, A. J. Z., & Trinke, S. J. (2003). The Intergenerational Transmission of Relationship Violence. Journal of Family Psychology, 17(3), 288 -301.

with Physical Aggression Scale and Psychological Aggression Scale

intergenerational transmission of family aggression

Cappell, C., & Heiner, R. B. (1990). The intergenerational transmission of family aggression. Journal of Family Violence, 5(2), 135-152.

Hurt Feelings: Emotional abuse and the failure of empathy.

Sorsoli, L. (2004). Hurt Feelings. Journal of Emotional Abuse, 4(1), 1-26

Beginning with a historical examination of the definition and study of psychological trauma, this article places trauma and abuse within a relational theoretical context to explore new understandings that can arise from this framework. Working within this framework and stressing the power of cultural narratives, the paper highlights the delegitimization of emotions and emotional pain and explores the ways in which a widespread failure of empathy contributes to a lack of understanding with regard to the validity of emotional trauma. The paper suggests that because evidence of suffering must often be in a physical form, mirroring early understandings of the causes of trauma, the tendency to rely on the courts for direction only serves to further undermine the credibility of emotional pain.

Intergenerational Transmission of Gender Ideology

Carlson, D. L., & Knoester, C. (2011). Family Structure and the Intergenerational Transmission of Gender Ideology. Journal of Family Issues, 32(6), 709-734. d

Intergenerational Transmission of Divorce

WOLFINGER, N. H. (2000). Beyond the Intergenerational Transmission of Divorce. Journal of Family Issues, 21(8), 1061-1086

Relationship Awareness

Acitelli, L. K. (1992). Gender Differences in Relationship Awareness and Marital Satisfaction among Young Married Couples. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 18(1), 102-110.

moral emotion

guilt and shame
guilt is more moral than shame

---Cohen, T. R., Wolf, S. T., Panter, A. T., & Insko, C. A. (2011). Introducing the GASP scale: A new measure of guilt and shame proneness. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 100(5), 947-947-966.

antisocial personality disorder

the biggest difference between individuals with antisocial personality disorder and well-adjusted
individuals is the former’s “inability to feel sympathy, shame, guilt, or other emotions that make the rest of us care about the fates of others and the things we do to hurt or help them” (Haidt & Kesebir, 2010, p. 804).

Guilt and Shame Proneness scale (GASP)

Cohen, T. R., Wolf, S. T., Panter, A. T., & Insko, C. A. (2011). Introducing the GASP scale: A new measure of guilt and shame proneness. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 100(5), 947-947

shame vs. guilt

Niedenthal, P. M., Tangney, J. P., & Gavanski, I. (1994). "If only I weren't" versus "If only I hadn't": Distinguishing shame and guilt in conterfactual thinking. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 67(4), 585-585-595

Tolman, R. M. (1989). The Development of a Measure of Psychological Maltreatment of Women by Their Male  Partners. Violence  and  Victims, 4(3), 159-177.

with questionnaire in this paper

Brassard, M. R., Hart, S. N., & Hardy, D. B. (1993). The psychological maltreatment rating scales. Child Abuse & Neglect, 17(6), 715-729.

O'HEARN, R. E., & DAVIS, K. E. (1997). Women's Experience of Giving and Receiving Emotional Abuse. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 12(3), 375-391

with questionnaire in this paper

health psychology

Taylor, S. E., & Repetti, R. L. (1997). HEALTH PSYCHOLOGY: What is an Unhealthy Environment and How Does It Get Under the Skin? Annual Review of Psychology, 48, 411-447

Self-Attributes Questionnaire

Pelham, B. W., & Swann, W. B. (1989). From self-conceptions to self-worth: On the sources and structure of global self-esteem. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 57(4), 672-672-680.

with questionnaire in this paper

Pasch, L. A., Bradbury, T. N., & Davila, J. (1997). Gender, negative affectivity, and observed social support behavior in marital interaction. Personal Relationships, 4(4), 361-378

Fincham, F. D., & Linfield, K. J. (1997). A new look at marital quality: Can spouses feel positive and negative about their marriage? Journal of Family Psychology, 11(4), 489-489-502.

with questionnaire in this paper