Monday, October 31, 2011
Need for Social Status
Flynn, F. J., Reagans, R. E., Amanatullah, E. T., & Ames, D. R. (2006). Helping one's way to the top: Self-monitors achieve status by helping others and knowing who helps whom. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 91(6), 1123-1123-1137
- I want my peers to respect me and hold me in high esteem.
- I am not concerned with my status among my peers. (reverse scored)
- Being a highly valued member of my social group is important to me.
- I would like to cultivate the admiration of my peers.
- I enjoy having influence over other people’s decision making.
- It would please me to have a position of prestige and social standing.
- I don’t care whether others view me with respect and hold me in esteem. (reverse scored)
- I care about how positively others view me.
Prejudice
Fein, S., & Spencer, S. J. (1997). Prejudice as self-image maintenance: Affirming the self through derogating others. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 73(1), 31-31-44.
Relationship-specific identification
Linardatos, L., & Lydon, J. E. (2011). Relationship-specific identification and spontaneous relationship maintenance processes. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 101(4), 737-737-753.
- My current romantic relationship is an important reflection of who I am.
- When I feel very close to my romantic partner, it often feels to me like he/she is an important part of who I am.
- I usually feel a strong sense of pride when my partner has an important accomplishment.
- I think one of the most important parts of who I am can be captured by looking at my partner and understanding who he/she is.
- When I think of myself, I often think of my partner also.
- If a person hurts my partner, I feel personally hurt as well.
- In general, my current romantic relationship is an important part of my self-image.
- Overall, my current romantic relationship has very little to do with how I feel about myself (R)
- My current romantic relationship is unimportant to my sense of what kind of person I am. (R)
- My sense of pride comes from knowing who I have as a partner.
- When I establish a romantic relationship with someone, I usually develop a strong sense of identification. with that person.
When Things Go Right
Gable, S. L., Reis, H. T., Impett, E. A., & Asher, E. R. (2004). What Do You Do When Things Go Right? The Intrapersonal and Interpersonal Benefits of Sharing Positive Events. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87(2), 228-228-245.
Good, the more communicated, more abundant grows.
—John Milton, Paradise Lost, Book V
Good, the more communicated, more abundant grows.
—John Milton, Paradise Lost, Book V
Till violence does us part
Rogge, R. D., & Bradbury, T. N. (1999). Till violence does us part: The differing roles of communication and aggression in predicting adverse marital outcomes. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 67(3), 340-340-351.
Vohs, K. D., & Heatherton, T. F. (2001). Self-esteem and threats to self: Implications for self-construals and interpersonal perceptions. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 81(6), 1103-1103-1118
- high self-esteem participants ---- He is good and I am even better,
so I am great - by low self-esteem participants ---- He is wonderful and he adores me, so I am good
Blirtatiousness
Swann, W. B., & Rentfrow, P. J. (2001). Blirtatiousness: Cognitive, behavioral, and physiological consequences of rapid responding. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 81(6), 1160-1160-1175
- If I have something to say, I don't hesitate to say it.
- It often takes me a while to figure out how to express myself.
- If I disagree with someone, I tend to wait until later to say something.
- I always say what's on my mind.
- Sometimes I just don't know what to say to people.
- I never have a problem saying what I think.
- When emotions are involved, it's difficult for me to argue my opinion.
- I speak my mind as soon as a thought enters my head.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
self-verify
Swann, W. B., Stein-Seroussi, A., & Giesler, R. B. (1992). Why people self-verify. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 62(3), 392-392-401.
relational uncertainty
Knobloch, L. K., & Solomon, D. H. (1999). Measuring the sources and content of relational uncertainty. Communication Studies, 50(4), 261-261-278.
positive illusions
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Griffin, D. W. (1996). The self-fulfilling nature of positive illusions in romantic relationships: Love is not blind, but prescient. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71(6), 1155-1155-1180.
Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else.—George Bernard Shaw
Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else.—George Bernard Shaw
forgiveness, SEM + longitudinal data
Fincham, F., & Beach, S. R. H. (2007). Forgiveness and marital quality: Precursor or consequence in well-established relationships? The Journal of Positive Psychology, 2(4), 260-268
Saturday, October 29, 2011
speak to everyone in the same way
I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university. —Albert Einstein
High person-centered messages
MacGeorge, E., Graves, A., Feng, B., Gillihan, S., & Burleson, B. (2004). The Myth of Gender Cultures: Similarities Outweigh Differences in Men's and Women's Provision of and Responses to Supportive Communication. Sex Roles, 50(3), 143-175.
“I can see how this could really be getting to you. I guess I’d be pretty devastated if my parents were separating. You always think they’ll be together forever and when they’re not, it throws your whole world off balance. Nothing makes a lot of sense when something like this happens—you just hurt. That’s why it’s important to talk about it. I don’t mean to pry in your family business, but I’m here for
you whenever you need me. Just know that I’m here for you, ready to listen when you want.”
“That’s really hard. You must be feeling all kinds of different emotions—I mean, you must be scared and confused, and maybe even a little pissed, right? Something like this can really make you wonder about things. And not knowing whether or not your mom and dad will get back together sucks. It’s such a complicated situation, and it’s got to be frustrating for you. I can imagine that it’s hard to cope right now—and probably will be for a while. Just let me know whenever you want to talk about it. No matter how rough this gets, I’m always here to listen.”
“I can see how this could really be getting to you. I guess I’d be pretty devastated if my parents were separating. You always think they’ll be together forever and when they’re not, it throws your whole world off balance. Nothing makes a lot of sense when something like this happens—you just hurt. That’s why it’s important to talk about it. I don’t mean to pry in your family business, but I’m here for
you whenever you need me. Just know that I’m here for you, ready to listen when you want.”
“That’s really hard. You must be feeling all kinds of different emotions—I mean, you must be scared and confused, and maybe even a little pissed, right? Something like this can really make you wonder about things. And not knowing whether or not your mom and dad will get back together sucks. It’s such a complicated situation, and it’s got to be frustrating for you. I can imagine that it’s hard to cope right now—and probably will be for a while. Just let me know whenever you want to talk about it. No matter how rough this gets, I’m always here to listen.”
Can a Human Being Change?
One must have asked oneself, I'm quite sure, whether one changes at all. I know that outward circumstances change; we marry, divorce, have children; there is death, a better job, the pressure of new inventions, and so on. Outwardly there is a tremendous revolution going on in cybernetics and automation. One must have asked oneself whether it is at all possible for one to change at all, not in relation to outward events, not a change that is a mere repetition or a modified continuity, but a radical revolution, a total mutation of the mind. When one realizes, as one must have noticed within oneself, that actually one doesn't change, one gets terribly depressed, or one escapes from oneself. So the inevitable question arises: can there be change at all? We go back to a period when we were young, and that comes back to us again. Is there change at all in human beings? Have you changed at all? Perhaps there has been a modification on the periphery, but deeply, radically, have you changed? Perhaps we do not want to change because we are fairly comfortable. I want to change. I see that I am terribly unhappy, depressed, ugly, violent, with an occasional flash of something other than the mere result of a motive; and I exercise my will to do something about it. I say I must be different, I must drop this habit, that habit; I must think differently; I must act in a different way; I must be more this and less that. One makes a tremendous effort and at the end of it one is still shoddy, depressed, ugly, brutal, without any sense of quality. So one then asks oneself if there is change at all. Can a human being change? - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life
autonomy
- autonomy --- experience of volition and the self-endorsement of one’s actions
- feelings of self-determination and volition
- My decisions right now are not influenced by what everyone else is doing
- Right now, I feel that I should change the way I act or think to be more like those around me (R)
Role Rigidity
Bosson, J. K., Prewitt-Freilino, J. L., & Taylor, J. N. (2005). Role Rigidity: A Problem of Identity Misclassification? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 89(4), 552-552-565.
- optimal functioning and well-being are characterized by behavioral flexibility and the unself-conscious pursuit of intrinsically engaging activities, regardless of their role appropriateness
Gender Differences in Social Support
Neff, L. A., & Karney, B. R. (2005). Gender Differences in Social Support: A Question of Skill or Responsiveness? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 88(1), 79-79-90
SIRRS-- Support in Intimate Relationships Rating Scale
Dehle, C., Larsen, D., & Landers, J. E. (2001). Social Support in Marriage. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 29(4), 307-324
- Partner gave me suggestions about how to handle a situation.
- Partner told me what to do to solve a problem or deal with a situation.
- Partner helped me come up with possible solutions to a situation.
- Partner helped me think about a situation in a new way.
- Partner taught me or showed me how to do something.
- Partner shared facts or information with me about a situation I was facing.
- Partner let me know that they were available to help.
- Partner said they felt close to me.
- Partner wanted to work together to deal with a situation.
- Partner hugged me or cuddled with me.
- Partner kissed me.
- Partner held my hand.
- Partner patted or stroked me affectionately.
- Partner promised not to tell others about my situation.
- Partner said they were sorry a situation had occurred.
- Partner cried with me about a situation.
- Partner said they understood how I felt about a situation.
- Partner shared a personal experience that was was similar to my situation.
- Partner restated what I had told them about a situation.
- Partner inferred how I was feeling in a situation.
- Partner prayed/meditated with me about a situation.
- Partner said they would pray/meditate for me about a situation.
- Partner asked how I was doing or feeling.
- Partner asked me to tell them more about a situation.
- Partner told me everything would be O.K.
- Partner said they thought I handled a situation well.
- Partner expressed confidence in my ability to handle a situation.
- Partner said good things about me.
- Partner said it was O.K. to feel the way I was feeling.
- Partner took my side when discussing my situation.
- Partner said they would feel the same way in my situation.
- Partner said I was not at fault for my situation.
- Partner said the situation could not have been avoided.
- Partner gave me money or objects to deal with a situation.
- Partner let me borrow something important to them to deal with a situation.
- Partner offered to do something to help directly with my situation (e.g., partner offered to help with a task from work).
- Partner did something to help directly with my situation (e.g., partner helped with a task from work).
- Partner offered to help me indirectly with my situation (e.g., partner offered to watch children
so you could finish a task for work). - Partner did something to help me indirectly with my situation (e.g., partner watched children
so your could finish a task from work). - Partner offered to do something with me to help me feel better (e.g., offered to go to dinner
together or go jogging together). - Partner and I did something together to help me feel better (e.g., we went to dinner or went
jogging together). - Partner said they were there for me and would help if needed.
- Partner said they would do something I asked them to do.
- Partner did something I asked them to do.
- Partner offered to spend time with me.
- Partner spent extra time with me.
- Partner encouraged me to spend time with friends/family.
- Partner encouraged me to talk to others with similar situations (e.g., support group).
Friday, October 28, 2011
The Old Brain, Our Animalistic Brain
I think it is important to understand the operation, the functioning, the activity of the old brain. When the new brain operates, the old brain cannot possibly understand the new brain. It is only when the old brain, which is our conditioned brain, our animalistic brain, the brain that has been cultivated through centuries of time, which is everlastingly seeking its own security, its own comfort -it is only when that old brain is quiet that you will see that there is a different kind of movement altogether, and it is this movement that is going to bring clarity. It is this movement that is clarity itself. To understand, you must understand the old brain, be aware of it, know all its movements, its activities, its demands, its pursuits, and that is why meditation is very important. I do not mean the absurd, systematized cultivation of a certain habit of thought, and the rest of it; that's all too immature and childish. By meditation I mean to understand the operations of the old brain, to watch it, to know how it reacts, what its responses are, its tendencies, its demands, its aggressive pursuits to know the whole of that, the unconscious as well as the conscious part of it. When you know it, when there is an awareness of it, without controlling it, without directing it, without saying, 'This is good; this is bad; I'll keep this; I won't keep that,' when you see the total movement of the old mind, when you see it totally, then it becomes quiet. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life
A Fresh Mind
I think constant endeavor to be something, to become something, is the real cause of the destructiveness and the aging of the mind. Look how quickly we are aging, not only the people who are over sixty, but also the young people. How old they are already, mentally! Very few sustain or maintain the quality of a mind that is young. I mean by young not the mind that merely wants to enjoy itself, to have a good time, but the mind that is uncontaminated, that is not scratched, warped, twisted by the accidents and incidents of life, a mind that is not worn out by struggle, by grief, by constant strivings. Surely it is necessary to have a young mind because the old mind is so full of the scars of memories that it cannot live, it cannot be earnest; it is a dead mind, a decided mind. A mind that has decided and lives according to its decisions is dead. But a young mind is always deciding anew, and a fresh mind does not burden itself with innumerable memories. A mind that carries no shadow of suffering, though it may pass through the valley of sorrow, remains unscratched. I do not think such a young mind is to be acquired. It is not a thing that you can purchase through endeavor, through sacrifice. There is no coin to it and it is not a marketable thing, but if you see the importance of it, the necessity of it, if you see the truth of it, then something else takes place. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life
Our Responsibility
To transform the world, we must begin with ourselves; and what is important in beginning with ourselves is the intention. The intention must be to understand ourselves and not to leave it to others to transform themselves or to bring about a modified change through revolution, either of the left or of the right. It is important to understand that this is our responsibility, yours and mine; because, however small may be the world we live in, if we can transform ourselves, bring about a radically different point of view in our daily existence, then perhaps we shall affect the world at large, the extended relationship with others. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life
Complete Emptiness
For the complete mutation in consciousness to take place you must deny analysis and search, and no longer be under any influence, which is immensely difficult. The mind, seeing what is false, has put the false aside completely, not knowing what is true. If you already know what is true, then you are merely exchanging what you consider is false for what you imagine is true. There is no renunciation if you know what you are going to get in return. There is only renunciation when you drop something not knowing what is going to happen. That state of negation is completely necessary. Please follow this carefully, because if you have gone so far you will see that in that state of negation you discover what is true; because, negation is the emptying of consciousness of the known. After all, consciousness is based on knowledge, on experience, on racial inheritance, on memory, on the things one has experienced. Experiences are always of the past, operating on the present, being modified by the present and continuing into the future. All that is consciousness, the vast storehouse of centuries. It has its usefulness in mechanical living only. It would be absurd to deny all the scientific knowledge acquired through the long past. But to bring about a mutation in consciousness, a revolution in this whole structure, there must be complete emptiness. And that emptiness is possible only when there is the discovery, the actual seeing of what is false. Then you will see, if you have gone so far, that emptiness itself brings about a complete revolution in consciousness: it has taken place. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life
Deliberate Change Is No Change at All
In the very action of the individual changing, surely, the collective will also change. They are not two separate things opposed to each other, the individual and the collective, though certain political groups try to separate the two and to force the individual to conform to the so-called collective. If we could unravel together the whole problem of change, how to bring about a change in the individual and what that change implies, then perhaps, in the very act of listening, participating in the inquiry, there might come about a change that is without your volition. For me, a deliberate change, a change that is compulsory, disciplinary, conformative, is no change at all. Force, influence, some new invention, propaganda, a fear, a motive compels you to change -that is no change at all. And though intellectually you may agree very easily with this, I assure you that to fathom the actual nature of change without a motive is quite extraordinary. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life
Outside the Field of Thought
You have changed your ideas, you have changed your thought, but thought is always conditioned. Whether it is the thought of Jesus, Buddha, X, Y, or Z, it is still thought, and therefore one thought can be in opposition to another thought; and when there is opposition, a conflict between two thoughts, the result is a modified continuity of thought. In other words, the change is still within the field of thought, and change within the field of thought is no change at all. One idea or set of ideas has merely been substituted for another.Seeing this whole process, is it possible to leave thought and bring about a change outside the field of thought? All consciousness, surely, whether it is of the past, the present, or the future, is within the field of thought; and any change within that field, which sets the boundaries of the mind, is no real change. A radical change can take place only outside the field of thought, not within it, and the mind can leave the field only when it sees the confines, the boundaries of the field, and realizes that any change within the field is no change at all. This is real meditation. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life
Real Change
A change is possible only from the known to the unknown, not from the known to the known. Do please think this over with me. In the change from the known to the known, there is authority, there is hierarchical outlook of life 'You know, I do not know. Therefore, I worship you, I create a system, I go after a guru, I follow you because you are giving me what I want to know, you are giving me a certainty of conduct that will produce the result, the success and the result.' Success is the known. I know what it is to be successful. That is what I want. So we proceed from the known to the known, in which authority must exist -the authority of sanction, the authority of the leader, the guru, the hierarchy, the one who knows and the other who does not know- and the one who knows must guarantee me the success, the success in my endeavor, in change, so that I will be happy, I will have what I want. Is that not the motive for most of us to change? Do please observe your own thinking, and you will see the ways of your own life and conduct. When you look at it, is that change? Change, revolution, is something from the known to the unknown, in which there is no authority, in which there may be total failure. But if you are assured that you will achieve, you will succeed, you will be happy, you will have everlasting life, then there is no problem. Then you pursue the well-known course of action, which is, yourself being always at the center of things. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life
self-monitoring
Snyder, M. (1974). Self-monitoring of expressive behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 30(4), 526-526-537
- I find it hard to imitate the behavior of other people.
- My behavior is usually an expression of my true inner feelings, attitudes, and beliefs.
- At parties and social gatherings, I do not attempt to do or say things that others will like.
- I can only argue for ideas which I already believe.
- I can make impromptu speeches even on topics about which I have almost no information.
- I guess I put on a show to impress or entertain people.
- When I am uncertain how to act in a social situation, I look to the behavior of others for cues.
- I would probably make a good actor.
- I rarely need the advice of my friends to choose movies, books, or music.
- I sometimes appear to others to be experiencing deeper emotions than I actually am.
- I laugh more when I watch a comedy with others than when alone.
- In a group of people I am rarely the center of attention.
- In different situations and with different people, I often act like very different persons.
- I am not particularly good at making other people like me.
- Even if I am not enjoying myself, I often pretend to be having a good time.
- I'm not always the person I appear to be.
- I would not change my opinions (or the way I do things) in order to please someone else or win their favor.
- I have considered being an entertainer.
- In order to get along and be liked, I tend to be what people expect me to be rather than anything else.
- I have never been good at games like charades or improvisational acting.
- I have trouble changing my behavior to suit different people and different situations.
- At a party I let others keep the jokes and stories going.
- I feel a bit awkward in company and do not show up quite so well as I should.
- I can look anyone in the eye and tell a lie with a straight face (if for a right end).
- I may deceive people by being friendly when I really dislike them.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Self-monitoring
Snyder, M., & Simpson, J. A. (1984). Self-monitoring and dating relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 47(6), 1281-1281-1291.
don’t think that somebody knows you enough to make right assumptions about you
don’t think that somebody knows you enough to make right assumptions about you
keep going
Every time you bump into some hard times, just keep going, as Winston Churchill said. If you stop, you’ll get sucked.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Selective investment theory
Brown, S. L., & Brown, R. M. (2006). Selective investment theory: Recasting the functional significance of close relationships. Psychological Inquiry, 17(1), 1-29.
Self-Compassion
Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2, 223-250.
Self-Kindness Subscale
Self-Kindness Subscale
- I try to be understanding and patient towards those aspects of my personality I don’t like.
- I’m kind to myself when I’m experiencing suffering.
- When I’m going through a very hard time, I give myself the caring and tenderness I need.
- I’m tolerant of my own flaws and inadequacies.
- I try to be loving towards myself when I’m feeling emotional pain.
- When I see aspects of myself that I don’t like, I get down on myself.
- When times are really difficult, I tend to be tough on myself.
- I can be a bit cold-hearted towards myself when I’m experiencing suffering.
- I’m disapproving and judgmental about my own flaws and inadequacies.
- I’m intolerant and impatient towards those aspects of my Personality I don’t like.
- When I feel inadequate in some way, I try to remind myself that feelings of inadequacy are shared by most people.
- I try to see my failings as part of the human condition .
- When I’m down and out, I remind myself that there are lots of other people in the world feeling like I am.
- When things are going badly for me, I see the difficulties as part of life that everyone goes through.
- When I fail at something that’s important to me I tend to feel alone in my failure.
- When I think about my inadequacies it tends to make me feel more separate and cut off from the rest of the world.
- When I’m feeling down I tend to feel like most other people are probably happier than I am.
- When I’m really struggling I tend to feel like other people must be having an easier time of it.
- When something upsets me I try to keep my emotions in balance.
- When I’m feeling down I try to approach my feelings with curiosity and openness.
- When something painful happens I try to take a balanced view of the situation.
- When I fail at something important to me I try to keep things in perspective.
- When something upsets me I get carried away with my feelings.
- When I’m feeling down I tend to obsess and fixate on everything that’s wrong.
- When something painful happens I tend to blow the incident out of proportion.
- When I fail at something important to me I become consumed by feelings of inadequacy.
Psychological entitlement
Campbell, W. K., Bonacci, A. M., Shelton, J., Exline, J. J., & Bushman, B. J. (2004). Psychological entitlement: Interpersonal consequences and validation of a self-report measure. Journal of Personality Assessment, 83, 29-45.
1. I honestly feel I’m just more deserving than others.
2. Great things should come to me.
3. If I were on the Titanic, I would deserve to be on the first lifeboat!
4. I demand the best because I’m worth it.
5. I do not necessarily deserve special treatment.
6. I deserve more things in my life.
7. People like me deserve an extra break now and then.
8. Things should go my way.
9. I feel entitled to more of everything.
1. I honestly feel I’m just more deserving than others.
2. Great things should come to me.
3. If I were on the Titanic, I would deserve to be on the first lifeboat!
4. I demand the best because I’m worth it.
5. I do not necessarily deserve special treatment.
6. I deserve more things in my life.
7. People like me deserve an extra break now and then.
8. Things should go my way.
9. I feel entitled to more of everything.
emotionally supportive communication
Priem, J. S., Solomon, D. H., & Steuber, K. R. (2009). Accuracy and bias in perceptions of emotionally supportive communication in marriage. Personal Relationships, 16(4), 531-552
what is not there
Finkenauer, C., Wijngaards-De Meij, L., Reis, H. T., & Rusbult, C. E. (2010). The importance of seeing what is not there: A quasi-signal detection analysis of positive and negative behavior in newlywed couples. Personal Relationships, 17(4), 615-633
Willingness to express emotion
Clark, M. S., & Finkel, E. J. (2005). Willingness to express emotion: The impact of relationship type, communal orientation, and their interaction. Personal Relationships, 12(2), 169-180.
Communal orientation
1. It bothers me when other people neglect my needs.
2. When making a decision, I take other people's needs and feelings into account.
3. I'm not especially sensitive to other people's feelings.
4. I don't consider myself to be a particularly helpful person.
5. I believe people should go out of their way to be helpful.
6. I don't especially enjoy giving others aid.
7. I expect people I know to be responsive to my needs and feelings.
8. I often go out of my way to help another person.
9. I believe it's best not to get involved taking care of other people's personal needs.
10.I'm not the sort of person who often comes to the aid of others.
11.When I have a need, I turn to others I know for help.
12.When people get emotionally upset, I tend to avoid them.
13.People should keep their troubles to themselves.
14.When I have a need that others ignore, I'm hurt.
Communal orientation
1. It bothers me when other people neglect my needs.
2. When making a decision, I take other people's needs and feelings into account.
3. I'm not especially sensitive to other people's feelings.
4. I don't consider myself to be a particularly helpful person.
5. I believe people should go out of their way to be helpful.
6. I don't especially enjoy giving others aid.
7. I expect people I know to be responsive to my needs and feelings.
8. I often go out of my way to help another person.
9. I believe it's best not to get involved taking care of other people's personal needs.
10.I'm not the sort of person who often comes to the aid of others.
11.When I have a need, I turn to others I know for help.
12.When people get emotionally upset, I tend to avoid them.
13.People should keep their troubles to themselves.
14.When I have a need that others ignore, I'm hurt.
Measurement of communal strength
Mills, J., Clark, M. S., Ford, T. E., & Johnson, M. (2004). Measurement of communal strength. Personal Relationships, 11(2), 213-230.
1. How far would you be willing to go to visit ——?
2. How happy do you feel when doing something that helps ——?
3. How large a benefit would you be likely to give ——?
4. How large a cost would you incur to meet a need of ——?
5. How readily can you put the needs of —— out of your thoughts?
6. How high a priority for you is meeting the needs of ——?
7. How reluctant would you be to sacrifice for ——?
8. How much would you be willing to give up to benefit ——?
9. How far would you go out of your way to do something for ——?
10. How easily could you accept not helping ——?
1. How far would you be willing to go to visit ——?
2. How happy do you feel when doing something that helps ——?
3. How large a benefit would you be likely to give ——?
4. How large a cost would you incur to meet a need of ——?
5. How readily can you put the needs of —— out of your thoughts?
6. How high a priority for you is meeting the needs of ——?
7. How reluctant would you be to sacrifice for ——?
8. How much would you be willing to give up to benefit ——?
9. How far would you go out of your way to do something for ——?
10. How easily could you accept not helping ——?
Automatic Reactions
Zayas, V., & Shoda, Y. (2005). Do Automatic Reactions Elicited by Thoughts of Romantic Partner, Mother, and Self Relate to Adult Romantic Attachment? Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 31(8), 1011-1025
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Let's talk about us
Tan, R., Overall, N. C., & Taylor, J. K. (2011). Let's talk about us: Attachment, relationship-focused disclosure, and relationship quality. Personal Relationships
Let's be friends
Gore, J. S., Cross, S. E., & Morris, M. L. (2006). Let's be friends: Relational self-construal and the development of intimacy. Personal Relationships, 13(1), 83-102
Emotional self-disclosure
Emotional self-disclosure
- My deepest feelings
- What I like and dislike about myself
- My worst fears
- Things I have done which I am proud of
- My close relationships with other people
- To what extent could you count on this person for help with a problem?
- To what extent can you count on this person to listen to you when you are very angry at someone else?
Monday, October 24, 2011
The Initiator Style Questionnaire
Denton, W. H., & Burleson, B. R. (2007). The Initiator Style Questionnaire: A scale to assess initiator tendency in couples. Personal Relationships, 14(2), 245-268.
Communication Conflict Rules
Honeycutt, J. M., Woods, B. L., & Fontenot, K. (1993). The Endorsement of Communication Conflict Rules as a Function of Engagement, Marriage and Marital Ideology. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 10(2), 285-304.
with questinnaire in this paper
with questinnaire in this paper
If the Mind Is Occupied
Whether change is brought about consciously or unconsciously it is still the same.Conscious change implies effort; and unconscious endeavor to bring about a change also implies an effort, a struggle. So long as there is a struggle, conflict, the change is merely enforced, and there is no understanding; and therefore it is no longer a change at all. So, is the mind capable of meeting the problem of change of acquisitiveness, for example without making an effort, just seeing the whole implication of acquisitiveness? Because you cannot see the whole content of acquisitiveness totally so long as there is any endeavor to change it. Real change can only take place when the mind comes to the problem afresh, not with all the jaded memories of a thousand yesterdays. Obviously you cannot have a fresh, eager mind if the mind is occupied. And the mind ceases to be occupied only when it sees the truth about its own occupation. You cannot see the truth if you are not giving your whole attention, if you are translating what is being said into something which will suit you, or translating it into your own terms. You must come to something new with a fresh mind, and a mind is not fresh when it is occupied, consciously or unconsciously. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life
Knowledge Is a Detriment to Change
This requires a great deal of insight, inquiry. Don't agree with me, but go into it, meditate, tear your mind apart to find out the truth or the falseness of all this. Does knowledge, which is the known, bring about change? I must have knowledge to build a bridge; but must my mind know towards what it is changing? Surely, if I know what the state of the mind will be when it is changed, it is no longer change. Such knowledge is a detriment to change because it becomes a means of satisfaction, and as long as there is a center seeking satisfaction, reward, or security, there is no change at all. And all our efforts are based on that center of reward, punishment, success, gain, are they not? That is all most of us are concerned with, and if it will help us get what we want, we will change; but such change is no change at all. So the mind that wishes to be fundamentally, deeply, in a state of change, in a state of revolution, must be free from the known. Then the mind becomes astonishingly still, and only such a mind will experience the radical transformation that is so necessary. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life
Self-Compassion Scale
Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self- compassion. Self and Identity, 2, 223–250.
- self-kindness (e.g., When I’m going through a very hard time, I give myself the caring and tenderness I need)
- self-judgment (e.g., I’m disapproving and judgmental about my own flaws and inadequacies)
- common humanity (e.g., When things are going badly for me, I see the difficulties as part of life that everyone goes through)
- isolation (e.g., When I’m really struggling, I tend to feel like other people must be having an easier time of it)
- mindfulness (e.g., When something upsets me I try to keep my emotions in balance”)
- overidentification (e.g., When I’m feeling down I tend to obsess and fixate on everything that’s wrong).
Creating and undermining social support in communal relationships
Crocker, J., & Canevello, A. (2008). Creating and undermining social support in communal relationships: The role of compassionate and self-image goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(3), 555-555-575
Compassionate goal
Compassionate goal
- have compassion for others’ mistakes and weaknesses
- avoid doing anything that would be harmful to others
- make a positive difference in someone else’s life
- be constructive in your comments to others
- avoid being selfish or self-centered
- avoid doing things that aren’t helpful to me or others
- get others to recognize or acknowledge your positive qualities
- convince others that you are right
- avoid showing your weaknesses
- avoid the possibility of being wrong
- avoid being rejected by others
- avoid taking risks or making mistakes
Self-control scale, accommodation scale, self-regulatory depletion
Finkel, E. J., & Campbell, W. K. (2001). Self-control and accommodation in close relationships: An interdependence analysis. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 81(2), 263-263-277
Self-control scale
Self-control scale
- I have a hard time breaking bad habits
- I blurt out whatever is on my mind
- Pleasure and fun sometimes keep me from getting work done
- exit tendencies (e.g., When I'm angry at my partner, I threaten to break up)
- voice tendencies (e.g., When my partner and I are angry with one another, I suggest a compromise solution)
- loyalty tendencies (e.g., When we have problems in our relationship, I patiently wait for things to change)
- neglect tendencies (e.g., When I'm upset with my partner, I sulk rather than confront the issue).
- I felt overwhelmed with work/school
- I felt preoccupied with other things
- I felt tired
- I had been trying to be more responsible
- I had been exerting a lot of 'willpower' in my life
- I had been on a diet
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Inclusion of Other in the Self Scale
Aron, A., Aron, E. N., & Smollan, D. (1992). Inclusion of Other in the Self Scale and the structure of interpersonal closeness. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 63(4), 596-596-612.
Communal Orientation Toward Relationships
Clark, M. S., Oullette, R., Powell, M. C., & Milberg, S. (1987). Recipient's mood, relationship type, and helping. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 53(1), 94-94-103
- It bothers me when other people neglect my needs.
- When making a decision, I take other people's needs and feelings into account.
- I'm not especially sensitive to other people's feelings.
- I don't consider myself to be a particularly helpful person.
- I believe people should go out of their way to be helpful.
- I don't especially enjoy giving others aid.
- I expect people I know to be responsive to my needs and feelings.
- I often go out of my way to help another person.
- I believe it's best not to get involved taking care of other people's personal needs.
- I'm not the sort of person who often comes to the aid of others.
- When I have a need, I turn to others I know for help.
- When people get emotionally upset, I tend to avoid them.
- People should keep their troubles to themselves.
- When I have a need that others ignore, I'm hurt.
Self-Disclosure Index
Miller, L. C., Berg, J. H., & Archer, R. L. (1983). Openers: Individuals who elicit intimate self-disclosure. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 44(6), 1234-1234-1244.
- My personal habits
- Things I have done which I feel guilty about
- Things I wouldn't do in public
- My deepest feelings
- What I like and dislike about myself
- What is important to me in life
- What makes me the person I am
- My worst fears
- Things I have done which I am proud of
- My close relationships with other people
Openers
Miller, L. C., Berg, J. H., & Archer, R. L. (1983). Openers: Individuals who elicit intimate self-disclosure. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 44(6), 1234-1234-1244.
- People frequently tell me about themselves
- I've been told that I'm a good listener
- I'm very accepting of others
- People trust me with their secrets
- I easily get people to "open up"
- People feel relaxed around me
- I enjoy listening to people
- I'm sympathetic to people's problems
- I encourage people to tell me how they are feeling
- I can keep people talking about themselves
Friday, October 21, 2011
Accommodation processes
Rusbult, C. E., Verette, J., Whitney, G. A., Slovik, L. F., & Lipkus, I. (1991). Accommodation processes in close relationships: Theory and preliminary empirical evidence. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60(1), 53-53-78.
Discard All Methods
How is the religious mind or the new mind to come into being? Will you have a system, a method? Through a method -a method being a system, a practice, a repetitive thing day after day? Will a method produce a new mind? Surely, a method implies a continuity of a practice, directed along a certain line towards a certain result which is to acquire a mechanical habit, and through that mechanical habit to realize a mind which is not mechanical.When you say, 'discipline', all discipline is based on a method according to a certain pattern; and the pattern promises you a result which is predetermined by a mind which has already a belief, which has already taken a position. So, will a method, in the widest or the narrowest sense of that word, bring about this new mind? If it does not, then method as habit must go completely, because it is false. Method only conditions the mind according to the result which is desired. You have to discard all the mechanical processes of the mind. The mind must discard all the mechanical processes of thought. So, the idea that a method, a system, a discipline, a continuity of habit will bring about this mind is not true. So, all that is to be discarded totally as being mechanical. A mind that is mechanical is a traditional mind; it cannot meet life, which is non mechanical; so, the method is to be put aside. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life
There Is a Quietness
I hope that you will listen, but not with the memory of what you already know; and this is very difficult to do. You listen to something, and your mind immediately reacts with its knowledge, its conclusions, its opinions, its past memories. It listens, inquiring for a future understanding. Just observe yourself, how you are listening, and you will see that this is what is taking place. Either you are listening with a conclusion, with knowledge, with certain memories, experiences, or you want an answer, and you are impatient. You want to know what it is all about, what life is all about, the extraordinary complexity of life. You are not actually listening at all. You can only listen when the mind is quiet, when the mind doesn't react immediately, when there is an interval between your reaction and what is being said. Then in that interval there is a quietness, there is a silence in which alone there is a comprehension, which is not intellectual understanding. If there is a gap between what is said and your own reaction to what is said, in that interval, whether you prolong it indefinitely, for a long period or for a few seconds in that interval, if you observe, there comes clarity. It is the interval that is the new brain. The immediate reaction is the old brain, and the old brain functions in its own traditional, accepted, reactionary, animalistic sense. When there is an abeyance of that, when the reaction is suspended, when there is an interval, then you will find that the new brain acts, and it is only the new brain that can understand, not the old brain., - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life
Active but Quiet
To discover the new mind, not only is it necessary for us to understand the responses of the old brain, it is also necessary for the old brain to be quiet. The old brain must be active but quiet. You are following what I am saying? Look, sir! If you would discover for yourself firsthand -not what somebody else says-if there is a reality, if there is such a thing as God, the word 'God' is not the fact, your old brain, which has been nurtured in a tradition, either anti-God or pro-God, in a culture, in an environmental influence and propaganda, through centuries of social assertion, must be quiet. Because otherwise it will only project its own images, its own concepts, its own values. But those values, those concepts, those beliefs are the result of what you have been told, or are the result of your reactions to what you have been told; so, unconsciously, you say, This is my experience!
So you have to question the very validity of experience, your own experience or of the experience of anybody else; it does not matter who it is. Then by questioning, enquiring, asking, demanding, looking, listening attentively, the reactions of the old brain become quiet. But the brain is not asleep; it is very active, but it is quiet. It has come to that quietness through observation, through investigation. And to investigate, to observe, you must have light; and the light is your constant alertness. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life
So you have to question the very validity of experience, your own experience or of the experience of anybody else; it does not matter who it is. Then by questioning, enquiring, asking, demanding, looking, listening attentively, the reactions of the old brain become quiet. But the brain is not asleep; it is very active, but it is quiet. It has come to that quietness through observation, through investigation. And to investigate, to observe, you must have light; and the light is your constant alertness. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Prototype theory --- emotion
- Mervis, C. B., & Rosch, E. (1981). Categorization of natural objects. Annual Review of Psychology, 32, 89-115.
- Shaver, P., Schwartz, J., Kirson, D., & O'Connor, C. (1987). Emotion and
emotion knowledge: Further explorations of a prototype approach. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52, 1061-1086. - Fehr, B., & Russell, J. A. (1991). The concept of love viewed from a
prototype perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60, 425-438. - Russell, J. A., & Fehr, B. (1994). Fuzzy concepts in a fuzzy hierarchy: The varieties of anger. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 67, 186-205.
Commitment Processes
Rusbult, C. E., & Buunk, B. P. (1993). Commitment Processes in Close Relationships: An Interdependence Analysis. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 10(2), 175-204.
language use and interpersonal process
- the number of first-, second-, and third-person singular and plural pronouns occurring during natural interaction has been found to be associated with empathic accuracy (Ickes, Stinson, Bissonnette, & Garcia, 1990).
- Ickes, W., Stinson, L., Bissonnette, V., & Garcia, S. (1990). Naturalistic
social cognition: Empathic accuracy in mixed-sex dyads. Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology, 59, 730-742. - the types of verbs used in open-ended descriptions of self and others have been used to test the assertion that individuals hold privileged information about the self(McGuire&McGuire, 1986).
- McGuire, W. J., & McGuire, C. V. (1986). Differences in conceptualizing self versus conceptualizing others as manifested in contrasting verb types used in naturalistic speech. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 51, 1135-1143.
- language use has been analyzed in studies of attributional bias in relationships(Fiedler, Semin, & Koppetsch, 1991)
- Fiedler, K., Semin, G. R., & Koppetsch, C. (1991). Language use and attributional biases in close personal relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 17, 147-155.
- words they and we have been used to activate category-based affect (Dovidio & Gaertner, 1993; see also Hamilton, Gibbons, Stroessner, & Sherman, 1992; Maass & Arcuri, 1992).
- Dovidio, J. F., & Gaertner, S.L. (1993). Stereotypes and evaluative intergroup bias. In D. M. Mackie & D. L. Hamilton (Eds.), Affect, cognition, and stereotyping: Interactive processes in group perception (pp. 167-193). San Diego, CA: Academic Press.
- Hamilton, D. L., Gibbons, P. A., Stroessnet; S. J., & Sherman, J. W. (1992). Stereotypes and language use. In G. R. Semin & K. Fiedler (Eds.), Language, interaction and social cognition (pp. 102-128). London: Sage.
- Maass, A., & Arcuri, L. (1992). The role of language in the persistence of stereotypes. In G, R. Semin & K. Fiedler (Eds.), Language, interaction and social cognition (pp. 129-143). London: Sage.
- self-verification processes, on the assumption that spontaneous verbalization stands as "one means of laying bare the complex processes that mediate people's choice of interaction partners" (Swann, Stein-Serous si, & Giesler, 1992, p. 399).
- Swann, W. B., Jr., Stein-Seroussi, A., & Giesler, R. B. (1992). Why people self-verify. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 62, 392-401.
centrality of relationship measure
the degree to which a relationship is an essential, highly central element of life
---Agnew, C. R., Van Lange, P. A. M., Rusbult, C. E., & Langston, C. A. (1998). Cognitive interdependence: Commitment and the mental representation of close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74(4), 939-939-954.
- In comparison to other parts of your life (e.g., work, family, friends, religion), how central is your relationship with your partner?
- How much time do you spend thinking about your relationship with your partner?
- Among the things that give your life meaning, how important is your relationship with your partner?
- Compared to other aspects of your life, to what degree do events in your relationship affect your overall feelings of life satisfaction?'
---Agnew, C. R., Van Lange, P. A. M., Rusbult, C. E., & Langston, C. A. (1998). Cognitive interdependence: Commitment and the mental representation of close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74(4), 939-939-954.
relationship awareness
- a person's thinking about interaction patterns, comparisons, or contrasts between oneself and one's partner in a relationship
- Acitelli, L. K. (1988). When spouses talk to each other about their relationship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 5, 185-199.
- Acitelli, L. K. (1992). Gender differences in relationship awareness and marital satisfaction among young married couples. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 18, 102-110.
- Acitelli, L. K. (1993). You, me, and us: Perspectives on relationship awareness. In S. Duck (Ed.), Understanding relationship processes: Individuals in relationships (Vol. 1, pp. 144-174). Newbury Park, CA: Sage.
Laypeople's conceptions of commitment
Fehr, B. (1999). Laypeople's conceptions of commitment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(1), 90-90-103
Love
Supportiveness
Sharing
Understanding
Honesty
Faithfulness-fidelity
Communication
Forgiveness
Trust
Respect
Openness
Caring
Similarities
Flexibility-adaptability
Devotion
Sexuality
Sacrifice
Loyalty
Humour-joking
Giving
Fun
Friendship
Affection
Acceptance
Spending time together
Siding with other
Romance
Responsibility
Reliability
Longlasting
Listening
Helping
Financial
Expressiveness
Equality
Being there for the other
Appreciation
Love
Supportiveness
Sharing
Understanding
Honesty
Faithfulness-fidelity
Communication
Forgiveness
Trust
Respect
Openness
Caring
Similarities
Flexibility-adaptability
Devotion
Sexuality
Sacrifice
Loyalty
Humour-joking
Giving
Fun
Friendship
Affection
Acceptance
Spending time together
Siding with other
Romance
Responsibility
Reliability
Longlasting
Listening
Helping
Financial
Expressiveness
Equality
Being there for the other
Appreciation
Cognitive interdependence
Agnew, C. R., Van Lange, P. A. M., Rusbult, C. E., & Langston, C. A. (1998). Cognitive interdependence: Commitment and the mental representation of close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74(4), 939-939-954.
Willingness to sacrifice
Van Lange, P. A. M., Rusbult, C. E., Drigotas, S. M., Arriaga, X. B., Witcher, B. S., & Cox, C. L. (1997). Willingness to sacrifice in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 72(6), 1373-1373-1395.
with measurement in this paper
with measurement in this paper
Interdependence Theory
Tran, S., & Simpson, J. A. (2009). Prorelationship maintenance behaviors: The joint roles of attachment and commitment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 97(4), 685-685-698
social penetration theory
social penetration theory (Altman & Taylor, 1973), each discrete piece of information is especially informative.
Altman, I., & Taylor, D. A. (1973). Social penetration: The development
of interpersonal relationships. New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston.
Altman, I., & Taylor, D. A. (1973). Social penetration: The development
of interpersonal relationships. New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston.
from acquaintanceship to friendship
Lydon, J. E., Jamieson, D. W., & Holmes, J. G. (1997). The meaning of social interactions in the transition from acquaintanceship to friendship. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 73(3), 536-536-548
unit relationship
I consider ___ a close friend. We share many important things in common, although we are not the same in some ways. ___ is closer to me than my casual friends or acquaintances, but not as close as a family member. Somehow we just seem to belong together as friends. I feel more connected ___ to than my other friends.
preunit relationship
I consider ___ a casual friend or acquaintance, yet I could imagine the two of us becoming close friends as we get to know each other better. I think that we share some things in common yet we differ about other things. Although we are not close friends, is the kind of person whom I would like to be with or do things with. It remains to be seen how our relationship will evolve or develop.
nonunit relationship
I consider ___ a casual friend or acquaintance. Although we share some things in common, we are essentially different kinds of people. ___ is not what I would call a good friend and I do not expect that our casual relationship will change. ___ is not particularly the type of person that I would seek out to be with or do things with. S/he is just someone I know.
unit relationship
I consider ___ a close friend. We share many important things in common, although we are not the same in some ways. ___ is closer to me than my casual friends or acquaintances, but not as close as a family member. Somehow we just seem to belong together as friends. I feel more connected ___ to than my other friends.
preunit relationship
I consider ___ a casual friend or acquaintance, yet I could imagine the two of us becoming close friends as we get to know each other better. I think that we share some things in common yet we differ about other things. Although we are not close friends, is the kind of person whom I would like to be with or do things with. It remains to be seen how our relationship will evolve or develop.
nonunit relationship
I consider ___ a casual friend or acquaintance. Although we share some things in common, we are essentially different kinds of people. ___ is not what I would call a good friend and I do not expect that our casual relationship will change. ___ is not particularly the type of person that I would seek out to be with or do things with. S/he is just someone I know.
Relationship Closeness Inventory
Berscheid, E., Snyder, M., & Omoto, A. M. (1989). The Relationship Closeness Inventory: Assessing the closeness of interpersonal relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 57(5), 792-792-807
with measurement in this paper
high interdependence
A high degree of interdependence between two people is revealed in four properties of their interconnected activities: (1) the individuals have frequent impact on each other; (2) the degree of impact per each occurrence is strong; (3) the impact involves diverse kinds of activities for each person; and (4) all of these properties characterize the interconnected activity series for a relatively long duration of time. (Kelley et al., 1983, p. 13)
with measurement in this paper
high interdependence
A high degree of interdependence between two people is revealed in four properties of their interconnected activities: (1) the individuals have frequent impact on each other; (2) the degree of impact per each occurrence is strong; (3) the impact involves diverse kinds of activities for each person; and (4) all of these properties characterize the interconnected activity series for a relatively long duration of time. (Kelley et al., 1983, p. 13)
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Secure Base Characteristics Scale
Feeney, B. C., & Thrush, R. L. (2010). Relationship influences on exploration in adulthood: The characteristics and function of a secure base. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98(1), 57-57-76.
Availability
Availability
- My spouse does not generally count on me to be available to help out if he/she runs into trouble when pursuing personal goals./I do not generally count on my spouse to be available to help out if I run into trouble when pursuing personal goals. (reverse coded)
- My spouse is usually willing to take risks and try new things because he/she knows I’ll be available to help and comfort him/her if things don’t turn out well./I am usually willing to take risks and try new things because I know my spouse will be available to help and comfort me if things don’t turn out well.
- I do not usually go out of my way to make myself available to my spouse when he/she is facing a challenging or difficult situation./My spouse does not usually go out of his/her way to make him/herself available to me when I am facing a challenging or difficult situation. (reverse coded)
- When my spouse is facing a challenging or difficult situation, I try to make myself available to him/her in case he/she needs me./When I am facing a challenging or difficult situation, my spouse tries to make him/herself available to me in case I need him/her.
- When my spouse is feeling stressed about a new or unknown situation, I find ways to let him/her know that I will be available to help him/her if he/she needs me./When I am feeling stressed about a new or an unknown situation, my spouse finds ways to let me know that he/she will be available to help me if I need him/her.
- I sometimes interfere with my spouse’s activities when he/she is exploring a challenging activity or task./My spouse sometimes interferes with my activities when I am exploring a challenging activity or task.
- When my spouse is exploring a new activity (for example, working on a new and challenging task), I usually try to get involved and do it with or for him/her./When I am exploring a new activity (for example, working on a new and challenging task), my spouse usually tries to get involved and do it with or for me.
- I sometimes interfere with my spouse’s ability to accomplish his/her personal goals./My spouse sometimes interferes with my ability to accomplish my personal goals.
- I’m usually very careful not to interfere in my spouse’s activities when he/she is trying something new and challenging./My spouse is usually very careful not to interfere in my activities when I am trying something new and challenging. (reverse coded)
- When my spouse is working on something difficult or challenging, I sometimes try to take over and do it for him/her./When I am working on something difficult or challenging, my spouse sometimes tries to take over and do it for me.
- When my spouse tells me about something new that he/she would like to try, I usually encourage him/her to do it./When I tell my spouse about something new that I would like to try, he/she usually encourages me to do it.
- I sometimes discourage my spouse from pursuing his/her personal goals and plans—especially if the things my spouse wants do not match my preferences and interests./My spouse sometimes discourages me from pursuing my personal goals and plans—especially if the things I want do not match my spouse’s preferences and interests. (reverse coded)
- I usually encourage my spouse to accept challenges and try new things./My spouse usually encourages me to accept challenges and try new things.
- I encourage my spouse to do independent things that will help him/her grow as a person and develop new competencies./My spouse encourages me to do independent things that will help me grow as a person and develop new competencies.
- I usually encourage my spouse to do the things he/she needs to do to achieve his/her personal goals./My spouse usually encourages me to do the things I need to do to achieve my personal goals.
Perceived social support availability
- My roommate really tried to help me
- I could count on my roommate if things went wrong
Disclosure
In general, I discuss:
- my deepest feelings
- my worst fears
- what I like and dislike about myself
- my close relationships with other people
- things I have done which I am proud of
Responsiveness
- I try to make my roommate feel comfortable about him/herself and how he/she feels
- I try to make my roommate feel valued as a person
- I try to be sensitive to my roommate’s feelings
- I really try to understand my roommate’s concerns
- I really listen to my roommate when he/she talks
- I behave warmly toward my roommate
- I try to see things from his/her point of view
- I try to show respect for my roommate’s capabilities and talents
- I don’t really take my roommate’s concerns seriously
- I am sincere when I interact with my roommate
Self-image goal
- avoid showing my weaknesses
avoid revealing my shortcomings or vulnerabilities- avoid the possibility of being wrong
- convince my roommate that I am right
- get my roommate to do things my way
- avoid being blamed or criticized
compassionate goals
- be supportive of my roommate
- have compassion for my roommate’s mistakes and weaknesses
- be aware of the impact my behavior might have on my roommate’s feelings
- make a positive difference in my roommate’s life
- avoid neglecting my relationship with my roommate
- avoid being selfish or self-centered
- be constructive in my comments to my roommate
- avoid doing things that aren’t helpful to me or my roommate
Creating good relationships
Canevello, A., & Crocker, J. (2010). Creating good relationships: Responsiveness, relationship quality, and interpersonal goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 99(1), 78-78-106.
Relationship quality depends on beliefs about a relationship partner’s responsiveness—
that is, on the perception that a partner understands, values, and supports important aspects of the self.
Relationship quality depends on beliefs about a relationship partner’s responsiveness—
that is, on the perception that a partner understands, values, and supports important aspects of the self.
A Mind Without Anchorage or Haven
You need a new mind, a mind that is free of time, a mind that no longer thinks in terms of distance or space, a mind that has no horizon, a mind that has no anchorage or haven. You need such a mind to deal not only with the everlasting, but also with the immediate problems of existence.Therefore the issue is: Is it possible for each one of us to have such a mind? Not gradually, not to cultivate it because cultivation, development, a process, implies time. It must take place immediately; there must be a transformation now, in the sense of a timeless quality. Life is death, and death is awaiting you; you cannot argue with death as you can argue with life. So is it possible to have such a mind? Not as an achievement, not as a goal, not as a thing to be aimed at, not as something to be arrived at, because all that implies time and space. We have a very convenient, luxurious theory that there is time to progress, to arrive, to achieve, to come near truth. That is a fallacious idea, it is an illusion completely time is an illusion in that sense. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life
secure base
a secure base as one of being available, ready to respond when called upon to encourage and perhaps assist, but to intervene actively only when clearly necessary. In these respects, it is a role similar to that of the officer commanding a military base from which an expeditionary force sets out and to which it can retreat, should it meet with a setback. Much of the time the role of the base is a waiting one, but it is none the less
vital for that. For it is only when the officer commanding the expeditionary force is confident his base is secure that he dare press forward and take risks (Bowlby, 1988, p. 11).
vital for that. For it is only when the officer commanding the expeditionary force is confident his base is secure that he dare press forward and take risks (Bowlby, 1988, p. 11).
Feeney, B. C., & Thrush, R. L. (2010). Relationship influences on exploration in adulthood: The characteristics and function of a secure base. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98(1), 57-57-76.
I can fly higher than an eagle, cause you are the wind beneath my wings. (Henley & Silbar, 1989)
I can fly higher than an eagle, cause you are the wind beneath my wings. (Henley & Silbar, 1989)
Support-providing behaviors
- listening/attentiveness --- the extent to which the person in the support-providing role displayed clear signs of being focused on the disclosing person and of processing his or her disclosure of information; includes behaviors such as eye contact, nodding, not appearing distracted or bored, and verbally indicating that the information has been heard (e.g., by restating the issue)
- emotional support--- the extent to which the person in the support-providing role focused on the emotional needs of the disclosing person when providing support by expressing empathy, encouragement, compassion, and validation of feelings
- instrumental support --- the extent to which the support provider offered assistance aimed at solving a specific problem
- warmth/friendliness --- the extent to which the support provider interacted in a warm, friendly, and positive manner
- negative/hostile affect --- the extent to which the person in the support-providing role was overtly negative, hostile, or critical during the interaction
- avoidance/dismissing--- the extent to which the person in the support-providing
role avoided discussion of the issues raised by the disclosing person and/or dismissed the importance of the issues under discussion; includes behaviors such as changing the subject, ignoring the disclosing person, engaging in another activity while the person is speaking, and physically moving away from the disclosing person - self-focus --- the extent to which the person in the support-providing role directed attention toward him- or herself and his or her own needs instead of focusing on the needs and concerns of the disclosing person
- controlling support--- the extent to which the support provider behaved in a dominating, bossy, or forceful manner in his or her attempts to provide support
- overall sensitivity/responsiveness --- a summary rating of the extent to which the adolescent in the support-providing role demonstrated an active effort to be sensitive and responsive to the disclosing person throughout the discussion (e.g., by remaining actively engaged during the discussion and making a persistent
effort to help the disclosing person work through the discussion topics by being attentive, communicating understanding, and providing emotional and/or instrumental forms of support as needed).
Support-seeking behaviors
- aknowledgement of concern/distress--- the degree to which the disclosing person appeared to be distressed, concerned, or worried about the problems/issues being disclosed; includes both indirect (subtle) and direct (verbal) expressions/signs of worry, emotional distress, or concern
- emotional support-seeking/emotional disclosure --- the extent to which the disclosing person openly described, talked about, and shared emotions and feelings related to the problems/issues discussed
- instrumental support-seeking/descriptive disclosure --- the extent to which the disclosing person talked openly about the details of a particular problem/issue and/or asked for tangible or informational support in dealing with it (e.g.,
asking how to solve a particular problem) - indirect supportseeking/avoidance --- the extent to which the disclosing person ex-
hibited reluctance to openly and directly seek support or express thoughts, feelings, needs, or concerns related to a problem/issue; includes indirect support-seeking behaviors such as hinting about a problem or “beating around the bush” when discussing a problem, as well as avoidance behaviors such as changing the topic and making excuses not to stay on task - warmth/friendliness--- the extent to which the disclosing person interacted in a warm, friendly, and positive manner
- negative or hostile affect --- the extent to which the disclosing person exhibited negative or hostile behavior, including (but not limited to) nonverbal expressions of disapproval (e.g., rolling eyes), as well as verbal expressions that criticize, belittle, or make fun of the suggestions offered by the interaction partner
- receptiveness to support attempts --- the extent to which the disclosing person was receptive to and accepting of the advice/support provided by conveying either nonverbally or verbally that the input/feedback is welcomed and appreciated
- overall support-seeking effort --- a summary rating of the extent to which the disclosing person made an active effort to communicate his or her concerns, worries, or problems by actively disclosing the details of his or her problems, as well as his or her thoughts and feelings about the problems.
attachment theory and initial interactions with strangers
Feeney, B. C., Cassidy, J., & Ramos-Marcuse, F. (2008). The generalization of attachment representations to new social situations: Predicting behavior during initial interactions with strangers. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(6), 1481-1498.
an unwanted child is likely not only to feel unwanted by his parents but to believe that he is essentially unwantable, namely unwanted by anyone. Conversely, a much-loved child may grow up to be not only confident of his parents’ affection but confident that everyone else will find him lovable too. Though logically indefensible, these crude
over-generalizations are none the less the rule. (Bowlby, 1973, pp. 204–205)
an unwanted child is likely not only to feel unwanted by his parents but to believe that he is essentially unwantable, namely unwanted by anyone. Conversely, a much-loved child may grow up to be not only confident of his parents’ affection but confident that everyone else will find him lovable too. Though logically indefensible, these crude
over-generalizations are none the less the rule. (Bowlby, 1973, pp. 204–205)
types of support: emotional, instrumental, physical
Simpson, J. A., Winterheld, H. A., Rholes, W. S., & Oriña, M. M. (2007). Working models of attachment and reactions to different forms of caregiving from romantic partners. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 93(3), 466-466-477
which types of support (e.g., emotional, instrumental, physical) work best to calm and
soothe individuals who have different attachment histories.
which types of support (e.g., emotional, instrumental, physical) work best to calm and
soothe individuals who have different attachment histories.
- instrumental caregiving--- which included behaviors such as giving specific, concrete advice or suggestions about how to solve a problem and/or discussing or clarifying a problem in an intellectual, rational manner
- emotional caregiving --- which included behaviors such as encouraging the partner to talk about his or her emotions or experiences relevant to a problem, being nur- turant and soothing, and expressing or sharing emotional intimacy and closeness
- physical caregiving --- which involved behaviors such as leaning forward and giving (or attempting to provide) physical contact to console the partner by touching him or her.
Communal ideals.
The way marital relationships ideally should operate is that each person should pay attention to the other person’s needs. Each person should give a benefit to the other in response to the other’s needs when the other has a real need that he or she cannot meet by him or her self. Each person should do this to the best of his or her ability so long as the personal costs are reasonable. When one person does something for the other, the other should not owe the giver anything.
Constructs that are chronically accessible in perceivers’ self-schemata tend to be accessible and applied when judging others (Andersen & Chen, 2002; Higgins, King, & Mavin, 1982; Marks & Miller, 1987; Markus, Smith, & Moreland, 1985).
People with low self-esteem (Lakey & Cassady, 1990; B. R. Sarason et al., 1991; Vinokur et al., 1987), those who are depressed (Lakey & Cassady, 1990; Vinokur et al., 1987), and those with attachment-related anxiety and avoidance (Collins & Feeney, 2004) appear to have stable biases predisposing them to view partners as unsupportive.
People with low self-esteem (Lakey & Cassady, 1990; B. R. Sarason et al., 1991; Vinokur et al., 1987), those who are depressed (Lakey & Cassady, 1990; Vinokur et al., 1987), and those with attachment-related anxiety and avoidance (Collins & Feeney, 2004) appear to have stable biases predisposing them to view partners as unsupportive.
Caregiving quality, Quality of Relationships Inventory
Pierce, G. R., Sarason, I. G., & Sarason, B. R. (1991). General and relationship-based perceptions of social support: Are two constructs better than one? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61, 1028-1039.
- To what extent can your partner count on you for help with a problem?
- Overall, I take good care of my partner
Caregiving patterns, Caregiving Questionnaire
Kunce, L. J., & Shaver, P. R. (1994). An attachment-theoretical approach to caregiving in romantic relationships. In K. Bartholomew & D. Perlman (Eds.), Advances in personal relationships (Vol. 5, pp. 205-237). London: Jessica Kingsley.
- Proximity subscale-- caregivers make themselves physically available to their partner when comfort is needed (e.g., When my partner seems to want or need a hug, I'm glad to provide it).
- Sensitivity subscale --- the degree to which caregivers are able to recognize when their partner needs comfort and support (e.g., "I can always tell when my partner needs comforting, even when s/he doesn't ask for it").
- Controlling subscale --- the degree to which caregivers are controlling in their attempts to help their partners solve problems (e.g., "I tend to be too domineering when trying to help my partner")
- Compulsive subscale --- the extent to which caregivers get overinvolved in their partner's problems (e.g., "I sometimes create problems by taking on my partner's troubles as if they were my own").
- neglect --- I try not to get involved in my partner's problems
- negative caregiving --- I sometimes lose patience with my partner when he/she is stressed about something
- instrumental support --- When my partner needs help with a task, I try to offer to do something to help
- emotional support --- When my partner is having a problem, I try to provide reassurance that everything will be okay
Motivations for caregiving
On occasions when I help my partner, I generally do so because . . .
- Altruistic/Unselfish Motivations (e.g., "I love my partner and am concerned about my partner's well-being)
- Egoistic/Selfish Motivations (e.g., "I want to reduce my own anxiety and escape a distressing situation)
Trust in close relationships
- Rempel, J. K., Holmes, J. G., & Zanna, M. P. (1985). Trust in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 49, 95-112
- confidence in his or her partner in the face of risk and potential hurt
- respondent's confidence in the degree of caring and responsiveness expected from the partner in the face of an uncertain future
- Though times may change and the future is uncertain, I know my partner will always be there for me
Relationship closeness
- Inclusion of Other in the Self Scale (Aron et al., 1992) is a single-item pictorial measure intended to assess one's subjective sense of interconnectedness with a romantic partner.
- Aron, A., Aron, E. N., & Smollan, D. (1992). Inclusion of other in the Self
Scale and the structure of interpersonal closeness. Journal of Personality
and Social Psychology, 63, 596-612. - Relationship Closeness Inventory
- Berscheid, E., Snyder, M., & Omoto, A. M. (1989). The relationship closeness inventory: Assessing the closeness of interpersonal relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 57, 792-807.
- a high level of interdependence between partners' activities (e.g., "My partner influences how I spend my free time").
Commitment
- Van Lange. P. A. M, Rusbult. C. E., Drigotas, S. M , Arriaga, X. B.,
Witcher, B. S., & Cox, C. L. (1997). Willingness to sacrifice in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 72. 1373-1395. - Rusbult. C. E. (1983). A longitudinal test of the investment model: The development (and deterioration) of satisfaction and commitment in heterosexual involvements. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 45, 5101-5117.
Communal and Exchange Orientation Scales
- Clark, M. S., Ouellette, R., Powell, M. C, & Milberg, S. (1987). Recipient's mood, relationship type, and helping. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 53, 94-103
- Mills, J., & Clark, M. S. (1994). Communal and exchange relationships:
Controversies and research. In R. Erber & R. Gilmour (Eds.), Theoretical frameworks for personal relationships (pp. 29-42). Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.
empathy, Interpersonal Reactivity Inventory
- Davis, M. H. (1983). Measuring individual differences in empathy: Evidence for a multidimensional approach. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 44, 113-126.
- measure of emotional empathy (Eysenck & Eysenck, 1978)
- Eysenck, S. B., & Eysenck, H. J. (1978). Impulsiveness and venturesomeness: Their position in a dimensional system of personality description. Psychological Reports, 43, 1247-1255.
- measure of emotional response matching (Thornton & Thornton, 1995).
- Thornton. S., & Thornton, D. (1995). Facets of empathy. Personality and
Individual Differences, 19. 765-767.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Feeney, B. C. (2004). A Secure Base: Responsive Support of Goal Strivings and Exploration in Adult Intimate Relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87(5), 631-631-648.
All of us, from the cradle to the grave, are happiest when life is organized as a series of excursions, long or short, from the secure base provided by our attachment figure(s). (Bowlby, 1988, p. 62)
All of us, from the cradle to the grave, are happiest when life is organized as a series of excursions, long or short, from the secure base provided by our attachment figure(s). (Bowlby, 1988, p. 62)
support-giving strategies
- Solve --- involves approaching the problem and offering instrumental aid
- solace --- involves attempting to deal directly with the emotional aspects of the stressful situation by providing such things as reassurance and empathic remarks
- dismiss --- involves minimizing the importance of the problem or avoiding it by changing the topic
- escape --- involves avoiding the emotional aspects of the stressful situation by acting distracted or ignoring the support seeker's emotional displays
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