Books to read

• The road to serfdom by F.A Hayek
• Free to choose: a personal statement by Milton Friedman and Rose Friedman

book: the mom factor

• some moms don't connect with her children, but forced her needs, thoughts, and feelings onto them in the guise of relationship
• accept the realities of who mom is
• it is only as we forgive and grieve the problems with mother that we can free up the space and energy for other attachments, or to be able to experience the good aspects of our relationship with her. We can only do this from a position of strength. This position of strength can only come from possessing whatever it is that we needed from her. We can't let go of mother if we are still needing something from her.
• Stop recreating our relationship with mother in our present relationships. We will begin to relate to people for who they really are and develop true intimacy with them.
• Do you deny feelings or needs for fear of overwhelming others?
• We have to come to a place where she no longer "owes" us.
• As long as you are still wishing for mother to do it, and holding her accountable for not doing it, you are unavailable to anyone else for soothing.
• Do not continue wanting what she can't give.
• Since she can't understand what you need, do not continue to ask her for what she can not give.
• Do not expose your fragile parts to her.
• Set limits on your wishes to be understood by her.
• Say, mom, if you continue to criticize , then I'll have to stop talking. Would you like to talk about something else?
• No longer ask for what mom can't delive, and enjoy what mom can give.
• Mom either attacks neediness or is destroyed by it.
• Mom enjoys the dependency of the child. it counteracts her aloneness. this often happens when mom feels lonely in her marriage. she uses the child to fill in the gap, sometimes this mom has unmet dependencies in herself and she projects these onto her child when the child is actually independent and able.
• children should know that they have a life and that it is their God-given design to express that life assertively.
• Healthy children have a strong sense of who they are and everything this means, what they want, don't want, like, dislike, and anything else that makes them different from the ones they love. They learn that these differences are not a threat to others, that they can eeven enhance relationships. As they learn these differences, they develop a good sense of identity. They learn that they are in control of their own lives and that the quality of their life is their responsibility, not somebody else's.
• You may use anger, guilt, manipulation, withdrawal of love, and anger to control other people. As a result, people who love you may grow weary of being controlled and gradully become resentful of the relationship.
• Allow the ones you love to be responsible for their own problems. You can't enforce the consequences needed in a relationship.
• Each partner is responsible for his own feelings, attitudes, behaviors, and choices.
• If you grow up believing that someone would always be there to organize your life, you may have difficulty now in the areas of goal achievement, identity, direction, and follow-through.
• you may not possess a knowlege of what want to do, what you like and dislike, and what your talents and abilities are
• Ownership includes owning one's talents and abilities and knowing what one's passions are and how one feels about certain things. If you have a sense of ownership, you have direction in your life, you know what yoiu are called to do. Without ownership, you drift.
• To perserve means to keep on going even when it does not feel good or when it is going to be a long time before you reach your goal.
• Good mothers teach their children to worry in the good way--- to worry about reality.
• If you have no sense of ownership in life, you experience perpetual loss--lost dreams, unfulfilled wishes and needs, and a lack of direction in and control over your life. You struggle with the inability to say no to destructive things in relationships, and you may be hurt at the hands of abusive people.
• You don't feel that you are in control of ur life, life is something that " happens to you". If you don't ever feel like you are in control of yourself, you have little sense of hope for the future.
• If you feel controlled by others, isolation becomes a safer option. If you are unable to have intimate relationships without losing your strong senes of "I", you may tend to isolate in order to be secure.
• People with a strong sense of ownership face the future and relationships with the confidence that they will be able to solve problems they encounter.
• Ownership says, " it is my problem, and I will take care of it. this is my life, and I will own it---says the one in control of herself
• The one who dose not feel a sense of ownership tends to project, "you make me feel"....or "I didn't get it done because .....", or other externalizations of control and responsiblity.
• don't try to keep someone happy instead of choosing what you think is right for you
• if a mother has never supported the daughter's seperate identity, and the daughter was still caught up in trying to get her mother's acceptance of her seperateness.
• At 40, it is the mortgage. Somehow, his paycheck just didn't make it far enough each month. That is OK. Mom would help. After all, she was the one who had helped him purchase the house to begin with.
• You need to develop your identity and autonomy and learn how to set boundaries.
• Your need to become your own person is tied in the need to differentiate yourself from others. You need many experiences of saying no, disagreeing with other people's opinions, and confronting others.
• develop yourself, your own needs and values, and your own boundaries, asserting yourself
• don't fear that you have gone too far and that you will be abandoned or hated for being truthful.
• We all need the ability to decide what we love and don't love, like and don't like, want and don't want.
• We can't really know who are are until we know who we are not.
• If you and I agree all the time, one of us is not necessary.
• A bad decision is better than no decision. make a wrong choice adn learn from it than make no choice at all
• the reality is that -- no one is there to bail us out and solve our problems
• the ability to know who you are and aren't
• what aspects of my family background do I agree with?
• what aspects are not me?
• Beware ot the tendency to define yourself as a victim, to create an identity out of an event. You are much more than one event.
• Letting people in on your secrects, setting limits with people, and beginning to forgive are choices you can make.
• I can't change my past. It is part of me. But I don't want my past to determine my future. If I do, the people who hurt me are in chage again.
• Don't wait for someone to suggest a movie or a restaurant--blurt out something to your safe friends
• get in touch with your supportive network
• Be clear about your limits, then state and keep the consequences if someone continues to transgress your boundaries.
• Learn to love and support others' No, even if you are disappointed or saddened by it.
• Mom may have difficulty being an individual in her own life.
• resist the temptation to fix her marriage
• When we feel loved for who are are, we are better equipped to deal with the problems of living in a fallen world.
• Prepare the child to enter adult life with sound judgment about what are his actual strengths and weakness, positive and negatives, goods and bads. Instead of being stuck in perfectionistic ideals, he is free to deal with the realities about himself nad the world.
• the reality is that --- it is our weakness thta drive us to supportive relationships, it makes us face ourselves as we really are, give up our pride, and humbly reach out for help
• performing for others--- these people are intensely shame-driven and live in fear of others discovering their real self
• face reality, own our imperfection, pain and failure
• we can be who we are, while striving to become a better real person
• We take our trophy mom's anger and condemnation into our real self, and it becomes the way we feel about our real self. self talk is other talk that becomes ours
• take ownership of our real badness, our badness becomes less powerful when we quit denying it or running from it, and we face it directly
• embrace who we are and live out of our real selves
• forgiveness is denying neither what happened nor your feelings. To truly forgive, you can not deny or try to overlook

book: where to draw the line

by Anne Katherine

• You are not required to answer every question that put to you. If a person asks a question that feels inappropriate given the nature of your relationship, you do not have to answer.
• How to respond --- why do you ask? we just don't know each other well enough for me to answer.
• Be the guardian of your own tender information. Be careful about revealing delicate or personal information to someone who's mean, careless, or untrustworthy.
• In general, refuse to engage with defense. The more you respond to someone's defenses, the further you will be pulled from your own issue.
• Take break. Get clear again, then resume. Go back to your original issue.
• When somone violates one of your boundaries, or you observe them violating someone else's, consider that a warning.
• The more vulnerable we make ourselve, the more likely it is that the boundary violations will continue or worsen.
• Back, you are just over the line.
• Forget it. The other person is not being nice. Once someone else abandons the limits set by courtesy, you are not required to stay there yourself. Protecting yourself gets to be your priority. It is more important than propriety or sparing the other person embarrassment. Remember, you are not the one causing the stir. The other person caused it. If they use the social situation as a cover to get away with a violation - counting on your to keep quiet so as not to interrupt the main event- you can foil that plan by deliberately and publicly speaking out-or by doing whatever you need in order to be safe.
• When we become adults, we become responsible for our own happiness. Regardless of the consequences we bear for someone else's violations, responsiblity for healing transfers ot our schoulders when we grow up.
• Your own insides are the bes indicator of appropriate limits. If someones makes a request that seems presumptuous, say no. If someone hugs you and it doesn't feel right, that is all you need to know.
• Quickly sprung intimacy is not based on anything. You aren't known. You don't know the other person. You have no real idea how trustworthy the other person is. There is no true allegiance between you. So be careful about risking too much with a person who behaves intimately very quickly. See how they handle a small risk before you plunge deeper.

websites for English writing

• http://www.statementofpurpose.com/index.html

books for writing

• Axelrod,RiseB., and CHarles R. Cooper. The St. Martin's guide to writing. New York: St. Martin's,1985.
• Baker,Sheridan. The complete stylist and handbook. 3rd ed. New York: Harper and Row,1984.
• Barnet,Sylvan, and Marcia Stubbs. Barnet and Stubb's practical guide to writing. 4th ed. Boston: Little, Brown, 1983.
• Bazerman, Charles. The informed writer:using sources in the disciplines. 2nd ed. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1985.
• Brooks, Cleanth, and Robert Penn Warren. Modern Rhetoric. 4th ed. New York: Harcourt, 1979.
• Corbett, Edward P.J. The little rhetoric and handbook with readings. Glenview: Scott Foresman,1983.
• Elbow, Peter. Writing wiht power: techniques for mastering the writing process. New York: Oxford University press,1981.
• Flower, Linda. Problem solving strategies for writers. 2nd ed. New York: Harcourt,1985.
• Fowler, Henry Watson. The king's english. Oxford university: london,1906.
• Guth,Hans P.Words and ideas: a handbook for college writing. 5th ed. Belmont: Wadsworth,1980.
• Hairston, Maxine. Contemporary composition. 4th ed. Boston: Houghton Mifflin,1986.
• Kane, Thomas. The Oxford guide to writing. New York: Oxford university press. 1983.
• Leggett, Glenn, et al., Handbook for writers. 9th ed. Englewood Cliffs: Prentice-Hall,1985.
• Marius, Richard. A writer's companion. New York: Knopf, 1985.
• McCrimmon, James, Joseph F. Trimmer and Nancy Sommers. Writing with a purpose. 8th ed. Boston" Houghton Mifflin, 1984.
• Memering, Dean and Frank O'Hare. The writer's work: guide to effective composition. 2nd ed. Englewood Cliffs: Prentice-Hall, 1984.
• Moody, Patricia, Writing today:a rhetoric handbook. Englewood cliffs: prentice-hall,1981.
• Ohashi, Yoshimasa. English style. Newbury house publishers. 1978.

Life is not a matter of holding good cards but of playing a poor hand well" Robert L. Stevenson (1850~1894, The author of “Treasure Island”)

Power Analysis software

http://people.ku.edu/~preacher/rmsea/rmsea.htm


This web page generates R code that can compute (1) statistical power for testing a covariance structure model using RMSEA, (2) the minimum sample size required to achieve a given level of power, (3) power for testing the difference between two nested models using RMSEA, or (4) the minimum sample size required to achieve a given level of power for a test of nested models using RMSEA. We strongly urge the user to read the sources below (see References) before proceeding.
Make sure all fields in the relevant table are filled in; otherwise values of 0 will be automatically entered. These tables assume that Model A is parametrically nested within (and therefore more constrained than) Model B. Therefore df(A) should be larger than df(B), and RMSEA(A) should be larger than RMSEA(B). The null RMSEA should be smaller than the alternative RMSEA.
When you are finished, click the button labeled "Submit above to Rweb" to compute the desired value. Alternatively, the R syntax may be copied and pasted into a command window of any PC installation of R.